The Doctor is IN!

I had an amazing weekend... I convinced my parents to make a last minute trip (with Junie of course) to come see me yesterday! We went to Windsor then went out to dinner with Kaitlin and Spencer at Johnny Garlic's (SO good!). And Junie made friends with my Bible study leader who watched her while we went out... Mom was a little anxious and nervous about leaving her baby with a bunch of strange boys, but June did very well! Today I went to church, brunch with Kaitlin and Spencer, errands with Spencer, and then I spent the rest of the day working on a paper for English. I, unfortunately, do have a cold though, but I've been taking medicine and resting up as much as possible so I can get better in time to babysit on Wednesday! As for everything else that's going on, things have been pretty good... I just have been stressed with having so many other people's problems somehow put on my shoulders.

I want to be a counselor when I graduate... That involves me majoring in psych, but also being an amazing listener and able to give advice as well as keep things confidential with each patient. Over the course of the last week (and especially today) I feel like I have been thrown into the role of "counselor" for so many people. I love giving advice and helping others, but what happens when someone confides in me about something they did that I wholeheartedly do not agree with? Well I'll tell you what happens... I snap at them and give them a piece of my mind! After doing this for about a half hour, I realized that this is NOT the way I should be handling it as a future counselor, or as a Christian. Although what that person did made me angry and somewhat upset, I managed to calm myself down and tell them that I am here for them and give them some sort of advice. But what about the whole confidentiality thing? When does it get to the point that I can tell someone else? This person TRUSTED me not to tell anyone... it's just quite a predicament. But I feel like God is putting me in these situations for a reason... As if He is putting me through His own training for my future career. I know that I should handle things prayerfully and provide my friend with an encouraging environment... Even if I am still sort of angry. Oh college, so many crazy things going on!

"We have a God who chooses to need us. We have a God who doesn't want to change the world without us. We have a God who longs to cooperate with us, allow us to fail and flounder, and who promises to makeup for our shortcomings, but nonetheless wants us." -Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers

Nooma!(:

So we watched this video at small group on Friday... and I think it was one of those things where after you watch it or listen to it you think, "Wow, that was EXACTLY what I needed to hear". We talked about the video after and one of the discussion questions was, "do you ever think to yourself, if I just had this one thing then I would be happy?". Honestly... I do that everyday. The thing I hope for may not always be the same, but there is always something. This video just really got me thinking though... Maybe God hasn't given me what ever that one thing is yet because He knows it's not right for me right now. I so often find myself looking for instant satisfaction and not wanting to wait for things to happen... I don't want to trust in God's plan if it means having to wait. Shouldn't it be that I should ALWAYS trust in God's plan, even if his timing doesn't always match up with mine? I know that in the past He has definitely proven to me that the plan He has for me is so much better than anything I could dream of... and definitely more fulfilling than the plans I have for myself. That is one thing I really want to work on from now on... I want to stop thinking in terms of "if i only had that I would be happy with my life" and just enjoy the life God has given me, knowing that He has such amazing things awaiting me. I need to open my eyes to see the ways I have been so blessed in my life and to remember that God's grace and love is enough (:

Wounded and forsaken, I was shattered by the fall. Broken and forgotten, feeling lost and all alone... Summoned by the King into the Master’s courts; lifted by the Savior and cradled in His arms... I was carried to the table, seated where I don’t belong. Carried to the table swept away by His love, and I don’t see my brokenness anymore when I’m seated at the table of the Lord.

Overly Sensitive?

I am so very sorry that I have been slacking at this whole blogging thing this semester! But I do have a pretty valid excuse as to why I didn't update at all last week... I had midterms. Last week (in the two days I have classes) I had two midterms, two quizzes, and a four page paper due. Then this week I had another midterm and a quiz today. I have been studying my butt off while still trying to balance out all the other parts of my life. I got to go home two weekends ago and had so much fun catching up with friends and spending time with my parents. I got to hang out with Chels a lot.. I miss getting to see that girl everyday! There's just something about being with family and friends that you've known practically your whole life that you just can't get with new friends. Yes, both are amazing... But I miss the crazy times I have with my Clovis friends.

This last weekend I visited my auntie in Sacramento... We went to see a movie and walked around the mall. It was fun to hang out with her and just spend time together and talk. She reminds me so much of my mom in so many different ways... It's kind of funny, but seeing her made me miss getting to see my mom everyday. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE college... and I am definitely not homesick (despite how this post sounds), but I miss certain aspects of being home.

As for the rest of life, I'm just trying to hang in there for now. Today definitely was just not my day. I was frustrated with studying and with a stupid situation I found myself in this morning. I just feel like I've been so quick to get annoyed, defensive, and upset lately. I have no idea why this is happening... But one of my friends the other day pointed out that I'm really sensitive about a lot of things. I mean I know that I'm sensitive at times, but I didn't realize just how easily upset I am until he said that. It makes me wonder why exactly God made me like this. I get sad over little things... Sometimes things that don't even concern me, like sad things happening in other people's lives. At times I wish I could just close myself off from those crazy emotions, take a step back, and just not care for a minute or two so that I can rest. I understand that I am fearfully and wonderfully made... And my Heavenly Father has a plan for my crazy emotional side; it's just incredibly hard to see what it is. I know that in time He will reveal this all to me... My heart will break for a certain thing in this world, and I will understand that He is calling me to go and act on those emotions. Maybe it's best that I view my sensitivity as compassion and understanding for others' feelings... Hopefully this will in some way help with my future career as a counselor? Only God knows... I trust that the Big Guy has got it all under control though (:

Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen... Show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours;
everything I am for Your kingdoms cause.♥