Day 7- Ex-boyfriend

I officially am the worst blogger (or whatever you want to call it) in the world! I have been soooo busy with work, school --mostly stats-- and trying to keep my self sane that I haven't had time to write here! So here is my brief update before i attempt to return to that 30 day (haha obviously not 30 consecutive days) letter challenge. My weeks consist of... 18 hours of work, 18 units of classes, homework, and church which is my favorite part of the week! Needless to say, I am busy busy busy with everything. But in between all the craziness, I am attempting to find time to apply to colleges for next year. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my life next year... I would love to go to a different school (not in Fresno) next year. But unfortunately, private colleges are SO expensive. But I do know that I can't really imagine spending another year here... I LOVE my church and work, but as for everything else... I'm not exactly having the best time. I'm really trying to reevaluate what it is that I want in a school. I think I've narrowed it down to a few key things... 1. Good Christian Community... As in I need to be challenged and encouraged there. 2. Amazing psych program... SSU is lacking in the different subjects I can minor in with my psych degree. 3. Fun atmosphere without being a huge party school. Finding a school with those qualities that's not super expensive is hard to do!


Day 7- Your Ex-Boyfriend.... Haha well this should be interesting!


Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

Not sure why I'm really wasting my time and energy typing this. I don't dwell on anything that happened between us, and I'm over it. I hope you find happiness and make sense of all that anger you seem to carry around with you. Despite how unfriendly you are towards me, I truly hope you have a good life, and that, for your sanity and my own, we never cross paths again.

-Erika

Day6- A Stranger

Okay so the last couple weeks have been totally crazy! With 10 extra hours of work a week, I'm definitely feeling a little bit frazzled (haha weird word) right now! But I think I'm finally finding a balnace here... Or I hope. I've been keeping my sanity through going to church, loved today's service and worship. SO amazing! I've also started painting... We have to for one of my psych classes, but I find it very calming and relaxing. So I bought some paint this weekend and started to paint on my own, it's been pretty fun so far. I'm just trying to really keep my priorities in check right now and not neglect reading my Bible or spending time with God throughout the week, despite the chaos. But I'm working on getting everything in order. (:

Today I'm supposed to write to a stranger... I'm not sure how this is going to go since I don't know who I'm writing to... We'll find out.


Dear Stranger,

When I see you on a street corner with a sign asking for help, I wonder why you're there. You're the first one I thought of when I heard the word "stranger". I wonder how you got there and what people are doing to help you. I wonder if you find rest in the fact that you have a God who loves you more than anything. My heart aches for you, and I want to buy you lunch... And possibly a blanket if it's winter. I wish I could do more. I wish helping people in your position hadn't become a "scary" thing for people like me to do. I hope you can see God's love through my actions with what little help I can give you. I hope life gets a little easier for you.

-Erika

Day 5- Your Dreams

So I think today was just a tiny preview of how crazy, yet exciting at the same time, life is about to get. InsideOut (junior high and high school group at church) started today, and I already know I'm going to love it! It was exciting to meet a few of the girls today, and the best part was probably that I went to froyo with a few of the other leaders after service haha. Later this evening, I finished all my homework that's due Tuesday so that I don't have to worry about it tomorrow after work. I'm already so tired, and it's only Sunday! Let's just hope that I can find some energy to make it through the long week. (:

So today's letter is apparently supposed to be written to my dreams... Weird? I'm not sure if that means that I write it to my dreams like the ones I have while sleeping, or if I write to the dreams I consciously have for my life. I choose the second one, because, out of the two, it seems a little less strange.

Dear Dreams,

You exist because of the importance I have placed on family and serving others. Such as my dream to become a counselor... You, my friend, are driven by the joy I feel in helping others and living the life God has laid out for me. Next, my dream to get married and have a family... You became a dream and hope for my life when I was really young. I want to be able to fall in love and have a life full of amazing memories with the family my (future) husband and I will someday build. I think you (all of my dreams) pretty much stem from my wanting to serve something so much bigger than myself... To let God's love overflow from my life into the lives of others. To share in community and worship God with a family. You, my dreams, will all hopefully someday be fulfilled... We'll see what God has in store for us. (:

XOXO- Erika

Day 4- Your Sibling

Today was soooo uneventful! I got to relax and hang out with my roommates, and I also helped do Kaitlin's hair for rush... It turned out so cute! I'm just resting up today and tomorrow and preparing for the craziness that's bound to set in starting Sunday. I'm so tired physically and also extremely tired of doing homework! So today will be a short post because I don't really have much to say! But I will end it with yet another letter, to my sibling.

Dear Big Brother,

With us being four years apart, I think we've grown up in such different worlds. We're such polar opposites, and I know that we definitely do not see eye to eye on very much. But I also realize that we have grown up in the same environment. We are brother and sister and always will be... Aside from our parents, we are each other's closest family members. I understand that we have a difficult time getting along a lot of the time, but I want you to know that I pray for you on a daily basis. You are a much stronger person than what the world gives you credit for. I know that, at times, it has seemed that life has thrown you nothing but challenges, but I have faith that God has a plan for you. I hope that as we grow older and settle into our separate lives, we can get to know each other as adults and continue on some of the family traditions, like sushi on new years. I hope that as time passes by, we only grow closer and not further apart. I know that sometimes I don't always show it, but I love you Kev!

Love Your Little Sis,
Erika

Day 3- Your Parents

This is what we do on Thursday nights when everyone else is rushing for sororities... haha we sit in the dryers in the laundry room.

Today was super busy. I had so much homework and 6 hours of class total... I also had a job interview, and I got the job! I'm really excited to start working with the kids. (: Other than that I just hung out with Chloe, Jenna, and Anne while doing laundry. Tomorrow I have a 3 hour psych class, coffee with a friend, then home to sleeeeep! Then Sunday, InsideOut (the junior high and high school ministry and New Vintage) starts! I'm so incredibly excited for it! As for tonight, I'm content watching My Best Friend's Wedding with Chloe before the business of the weekend sets in.

Today's letter is to my parents... So I thought I would write to both of them individually since it's kind of hard to fit everything into one letter. Sorry if this turns out to be a bit lengthy!

Dear Dad,

I love that every time I call you (even if it's just because I tried Mom first and she didn't answer) you sound genuinely excited to talk to me. It's nice to be able to look back on how our relationship has grown over the past couple years. I feel like God has really helped you grow into the spiritual leader in the family... Kind of like that song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real. You are so very supportive of everything I do; I think that simple fact has made my college experience (so far) a little more manageable. I appreciate the fact that you don't push me to do or be anything I don't want to. The same jokes you've told since forever continue to make me laugh, even when I think of them now and still don't completely understand why they're funny. Thank you for the love and prayers you send my way daily, I really couldn't go through my days without them. I love you!

Love,

Erika

Dear Mom,

Okay where do I start? I love that we have weird jokes that no one else seems to understand and that our loud pointless conversation fill the kitchen during dinner time. I love that you are passing on your baking tips (even if I don't really have that kind of talent with cooking). You have taught me how and encourage me to be a strong woman of God. You're my favorite person to shop with, and I know that will never change. Thank you for being my rock and always doing what you think is in my best interest over the years. You have been my best friend and role model. The selfless love you give to others, even people you don't know that well, never ceases to amaze me. "There is a video I found from back when I was three You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me. It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs. Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world. Now I know why all the trees change in the fall, I know you were on my side even when I was wrong. And I love you for giving me your eyes, staying back and watching me shine". I love you!

Love,

Erika

Day 2- Your Crush... awkward?

So today I babysat all day... and it was actually really enjoyable! I watched lots of Blues Clues, so when I came home to my roommates and it was time for me to check my mailbox, I sang the mail song! I think I'm enjoying these educational cartoons more than Josiah haha. Tonight I have tons of homework I need to finish, a dirty room I need to clean, and I realllly should do my laundry, but that just doesn't sound like very much fun right now. Tomorrow I have an informal interview with an after school daycare program in Petaluma. If I get the job that would mean 18 hours of work per week (2 jobs), 18 units (6 classes), plus the Leadership Development Program at church (I'm a small group leader on Sundays)... Once again I have to wonder, what am I getting myself into?! But I have to say that I'm excited to be busy (:

Okay so getting on with my whole letter a day thing... I look at my little preset list and it says to write one to my crush. I have a tiny problem with this. I absolutely hate using the word "crush" as a noun like referring to a person! I have no problem saying, "oh I have a little crush on him" because that seems to sound cute, but saying that someone is my "crush" makes me sound like I'm in 2nd grade. But I'm still going to do it; I don't want to back down from the challenge after just one day... I'm just going to write this to a future "crush" (like someone I hope to meet in the future), since a real "crush" doesn't really exist right now.

Dear "Crush",

Whoever you are... I'm waiting for God to bring us together. Currently, I'm pretty sure you haven't yet entered into my life. It's a nice thought though, that one day (maybe sometime soon) you might just show up. I hope you know that I'm being very selective in choosing "crushes" these days, so I hope you don't let me down. Tall, dark, and handsome would be nice (haha just kidding!). But seriously, I pray that you're a good man of God who will challenge me to be a better person. I don't think I can write much more than this since, after all, you are still kind of a mystery guy. (:

XOXO- Erika

When you come face-to-face with the storms of your life, the disheartening trials and tribulations, success or failure is not dependent on the circumstance. In fact, the outcome is not dependent on what happens on the outside, but rather what happens on the inside. The deciding factor between success and failure is what you submit to: fear or God.

30 day letter challenge, DAY 1!

As I was looking at my news feed on facebook, I came across something my friends were posting from their blogs called the 30 day letter challenge. Every day for 30 days you write a letter to a different person; there's a preset list of people. So I decided to start this! I may not write every day for 30 days straight, but I'll try! And along with writing a letter, I'll throw in a tiny update about my day... Here goes nothing!

Today was long, tiring, boring, and filled with school. I now have 18 units and 3 psych classes... Not completely sure what I've gotten myself into. But anyways, I'm determined to get amazing grades this semester. And I cannot wait to babysit tomorrow and get away from campus for the day... School is already making me feel like my head is going to explode!

DAY 1- Your Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

I'm pretty positive you know who you are. We had a tiny rough patch last year, but can I just say that I am so happy that we have remained so close despite the distance college has put between us. I feel like I can talk to you about pretty much anything, and I wouldn't trade our weird conversations for anything. It's nice to know that I have someone in my life who won't judge me and will be honest with me about stuff.

We've known each other for so long, and I really hope that we stay close over the years to come... I can't imagine life without you! I love that we always both feel like shopping and that tanning in my backyard became one of our favorite things to do this summer. You're such an amazing friend, and I really wished we lived closer to each other because seeing each other only once a month seems like nothing! Pretty much to sum it all up, I'm glad you're my best friend... Love you girl!

XOXO- Erika

College, Round 2!

So here I am, back at school. Exciting? YES! Stressful? Most definitely! It's been fun being back up here; I especially love being reunited with my friends. I am just already feeling the pressure of taking 6 classes and 17 units... Welcome back to college! Despite the work load, I am still finding lots of time to have fun. Living with 5 girls that I love means that I always have someone to hang out with! We have already had so many funny moments and quite a few "family" dinners. (:

This year I'm living with Chloe, Kaitlin, Liz, Jenna, and Anne.
Chloe is one of my suitemates from last year. She is sooo energetic, but she has such a big heart. She loves to cook for other people and she's going to start volunteering at New Vintage in the nursery, which makes me really excited! I'll finally have someone to sit with on Sundays at church!
Kaitlin is Chloe's roommate this year, and was one of my best friends here last year. She is one of the most genuine friends anyone could ask for. She's hilarious but also very serious about her studies. She also loves everything that I bake, which makes me love her all that much more!
Liz was one of my first friends at SSU. She has such a strong love for God, and we share a lot of the same beliefs which makes it easy for me to talk to her about stuff. She is also one of the weirdest funniest people I've ever met.
Jenna is Liz's roommate and she keeps us laughing! She's an amazing dancer and has seriously the best fashion sense... Needless to say, I will be raiding her closet often this year.
Anne was one of Kaitlin's suitemates last year, and she has the other single room this year... She more than deserves it! The girl is smart... and what my mom calls "shiny". She has a great personality and is always so happy!

I love love love all my roommates; I think I'm in for a great year! Unfortunately my classes are extremely boring. Also, between my 8 million hours of class, studying, babysitting, and being in the leadership program at church, I don't have a lot of time for much else. I love being busy and using my time for productive stuff, it's just that I got SO used to taking naps everyday of summer... obviously naptime is over. :(

I just cannot wait until I am done with general ed! I hate having to take classes about things that I don't care about! I'm ready to have a full schedule of psych classes. (: But for now, I'm enjoying the fact that I'm still 3 years (or at least I hope) from graduating and having to worry about the rest of my life. I'm ready to grow up and be done with school, but I'm not ready to grow up and pay for everything, have kids, and all that stuff. I think I can wait for a few more years... Even though my parents have informed me already that they're saving my old beanie babies for "the grandkids"... scary thought.


Our life is full of brokenness - broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God's faithful presence in our lives.
(Not sure where that's from... But I love it!)


PS... Mom and Dad, I finally updated this thing, and I would just like to let you know that I put off studying for this. (:

Summertime(:

So I'm about halfway through summer, and I've found myself being extremely lazy! I wanted to use this summer to get into shape and go the gym more often, but exercising just never sounds all that fun to me. I have really been enjoying the time I've spent with my friends and my parents while I've been home... I think that's been the best part of being back in Clovis. Of course, the heat sucks; like it is just terrible having to drive anywhere after my car has sat outside all day. I have been babysitting a lot lately though. My mom's boss (and now technically my boss), Breanne, has kept me occupied; I drive her oldest daughter, Micaela, to dance every week, and I babysit her youngest daughter, Allison (or La Petite as I like to call her), a couple times a month. I also babysit their cousins, Chloe and Arden. All of them are just amazing little girls to watch, they definitely keep me on my toes and there's never a dull moment! This next week I'm finally getting to go visit Kaitlin in San Diego, I can't wait! It's been so weird to go from seeing all my college friends literally everyday to not at all. Don't get me wrong, I like not having to live with 5 girls right now, but I do miss most of them!

I go back and forth on being extremely excited about going back to school and not wanting to leave the comfort of home. I can already feel that things are going to be changing in my life and I'm not sure I'm ready for it... Which makes me want to savor my time at home and the normal kind of "routine" I've found myself in. But at the same time I can't wait for some new adventures and to get away from everything I tried to avoid in Clovis by going away to college... The dramatic girls, the same old guys, and of course the crappy weather. A few of my friends here have proven to be constant and really loyal... I'm actually doing a Bible study once a week with some of the girls which has been really nice. However there are also those friends that I look at now and think, "how were we even friends in the first place?". So I hold the memories we made close to my heart and move on. I can accept the fact that people change and grow apart, but that still doesn't make it any easier when it's some of your closest friends. It's just amazing to think about how much has changed since last summer. It's all good and bad at the same time.

Home Stretch!

I'm sorry I have been so terrible with keeping up with this thing this semester, but things have really been crazy! Or at least they have been the last couple weeks. I've had midterms, quizzes, final papers, and major studying for finals! The last 5 days I have spent at least 40 hours in the library studying, and I'm not even exaggerating. Today alone, I had 3 finals... I took my geology final at 8am, my psych final at 2pm, and I'm off to take my bio final at 5! Talk about stress... I still have to take my environmental studies final on Thursday. Tomorrow will be my last day of babysitting :( I'm so sad that I won't get to hang out with Josiah every week for the next 3 months... The little guy is growing so fast it seems! But I will be headed back to Clovis for the summer. After some consideration, I decided that staying home for the summer would be my best option this year instead of going to Hume lake. So now I am going to attempt to get into a summer school class (not holding my breath on that one!) and I'm in search of a job. I have applied for soooo many nannying jobs... So if anyone knows of any jobs out there then feel free to let me know (:

Other than that, I am so excited to be going home where it's warm and not rainy... And to be with all my friends. It's so bittersweet... This year has gone by so quickly and it has definitely been an experience to remember! I have made some amazing friends and learned some hard lessons... Like sometimes it's just better to suck it up and do all the dishes in the sink instead of waiting for your roommates to do their own dishes. Or that most college professors could care less about your individual concerns and situation, they just want you to show up to class and get the work done. Also, that you have to choose your battles and decide not to sweat the small stuff, like registration haha. I am so excited to come back to Sonoma State next year and live with some of my best friends up here! I have no regrets in choosing to go away for college... I have grown so much this year and made some priceless memories; I know that next year will be equally exciting, exhausting, and fun filled! But for now bring on Summer 2010 (: and I'm off to kick this bio final's butt... or maybe I'll get my butt kicked, I'm not entirely sure yet!

Randomness! (:

Not too much going on up here lately! I've just been trying to stay on top of my classes and everything while taking advantage of the time I have left before summer. This may sound so weird but I actually don't want summer to come too quickly. Summer means not seeing my friends from school or home... I am so excited to start working at Hume, but I'm not quite ready to let go of seeing my friends all the time, having access to the internet, and being able to use my phone. So this means that I am trying to spend a lot of time at home before school ends; I'm headed home this weekend then again in May! Other than all that, there's pretty much nothing going on in my life, which is why I am going to keep all of you entertained by providing you with 20 random facts about me (:

1. I love designer jeans... It's kind of a problem haha but I just can't get enough of them!

2. My closet is color coordinated and I can always tell when someone has borrowed something or gone through my clothes... I think this can be categorized as acute OCD or something.

3. Reading is my escape from the world, most people say music is their escape, but I could read for hours without a care in the world.

4. Church is the one place I always feel at home... Whether it's my home church or a new church, worship music and sermons bring me more comfort and hope than I can possibly put into words.

5. I LOVE to bake. This is a new found love, and I'm still learning, but it's so fun to watch other people enjoy my baked goods.

6. I absolutely loathe the gym; love seeing the results, but I hate doing the work!

7. Despite how inappropriate it may be, the movie the Hangover is my #1 favorite movie to quote!

8. I cannot wait to get married and have kids... Well okay let me rephrase that, I definitely CAN wait. I do not want to have kids now haha, but I'm really excited to have kids and get married when I'm older.

9. My top fear in life is probably getting kidnapped, followed closely by throwing up.

10. Speaking of throwing up, I haven't gotten sick like that since I was 10... We were in Pismo for Christmas and I ate a Mickey D's cheeseburger (too much info?).

11. I'm terrible at math and the rice I make always comes out wrong... I'm a bad Asian.

12. I'm a girl, but I will always stick by the idea that guys are SO much less dramatic than girls.

13. I go through phases with my hair... I grow it out really long then I cut it all off; I think this pattern will probably continue for the rest of my life.

14. I love wearing dresses, especially with heels because they make my legs look longer.

15. I wear contacts everyday. I'm seriously blind without them... I want to get lasik eye surgery one day.

16. As much as I said I hated Clovis when I lived there full time, I actually love it. Going away to college and getting lost driving around on a weekly basis has made me appreciate my hometown so much more.

17. College has ruined my sleeping habits. I get an average of 5 hours of sleep every night, but naps have become my new best friend.

18. I'm not sure how I have survived this year without getting pedicures every month. I guess that's why I started actually wearing shoes instead of flip flops.

19. I text a lot, it's not just a "typical teenage girl" thing, it's how I keep in touch with everyone.

20. Country music= love (:

Goodbye 18 (:

So I was on spring break for the last 12 days and, I must say, it was definitely a break to remember! I'll provide you with some of the highlights! I drove home, went to the rock and worship road show with Victoria, went to Easter services at both Clovis First and The Well, hung out with some friends that I missed so much, went shopping, went to Oakland to see Michale Buble with my mom, got a job at Hume Lake for the summer (beyond excited!!), Spencer came to Clovis (and loved it haha), we drove to Disneyland for the day (longest day ever!), my birthday was on Saturday, and today I went to both churches and hung out Chels and Jen for a little bit! Break was very good to me this year (:

As I said before, Saturday was my birthday... So I kinda started reflecting on all the crazy and amazing things that happened during my 18th year of life haha... and now I'm going to share them with you all through pictures!

Went to my last high school prom with my best friend! Was stung by a bee for the first time while taking pictures and my strap broke when I got to the dance, but at least my shoes were cute!

I graduated high school with honors!

Went to Hawaii for the first time (: this is my favorite picture! haha

I was baptized in July! Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered!

Moved away to college!

Made some amazing new friends!


But kept in touch with the girls (:

Gained an insane new family member haha

Went to Urbana 09 and had an unforgettable experience!

And I am still in the process of finishing up my freshman year while making some crazy memories!

The Doctor is IN!

I had an amazing weekend... I convinced my parents to make a last minute trip (with Junie of course) to come see me yesterday! We went to Windsor then went out to dinner with Kaitlin and Spencer at Johnny Garlic's (SO good!). And Junie made friends with my Bible study leader who watched her while we went out... Mom was a little anxious and nervous about leaving her baby with a bunch of strange boys, but June did very well! Today I went to church, brunch with Kaitlin and Spencer, errands with Spencer, and then I spent the rest of the day working on a paper for English. I, unfortunately, do have a cold though, but I've been taking medicine and resting up as much as possible so I can get better in time to babysit on Wednesday! As for everything else that's going on, things have been pretty good... I just have been stressed with having so many other people's problems somehow put on my shoulders.

I want to be a counselor when I graduate... That involves me majoring in psych, but also being an amazing listener and able to give advice as well as keep things confidential with each patient. Over the course of the last week (and especially today) I feel like I have been thrown into the role of "counselor" for so many people. I love giving advice and helping others, but what happens when someone confides in me about something they did that I wholeheartedly do not agree with? Well I'll tell you what happens... I snap at them and give them a piece of my mind! After doing this for about a half hour, I realized that this is NOT the way I should be handling it as a future counselor, or as a Christian. Although what that person did made me angry and somewhat upset, I managed to calm myself down and tell them that I am here for them and give them some sort of advice. But what about the whole confidentiality thing? When does it get to the point that I can tell someone else? This person TRUSTED me not to tell anyone... it's just quite a predicament. But I feel like God is putting me in these situations for a reason... As if He is putting me through His own training for my future career. I know that I should handle things prayerfully and provide my friend with an encouraging environment... Even if I am still sort of angry. Oh college, so many crazy things going on!

"We have a God who chooses to need us. We have a God who doesn't want to change the world without us. We have a God who longs to cooperate with us, allow us to fail and flounder, and who promises to makeup for our shortcomings, but nonetheless wants us." -Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers

Nooma!(:

So we watched this video at small group on Friday... and I think it was one of those things where after you watch it or listen to it you think, "Wow, that was EXACTLY what I needed to hear". We talked about the video after and one of the discussion questions was, "do you ever think to yourself, if I just had this one thing then I would be happy?". Honestly... I do that everyday. The thing I hope for may not always be the same, but there is always something. This video just really got me thinking though... Maybe God hasn't given me what ever that one thing is yet because He knows it's not right for me right now. I so often find myself looking for instant satisfaction and not wanting to wait for things to happen... I don't want to trust in God's plan if it means having to wait. Shouldn't it be that I should ALWAYS trust in God's plan, even if his timing doesn't always match up with mine? I know that in the past He has definitely proven to me that the plan He has for me is so much better than anything I could dream of... and definitely more fulfilling than the plans I have for myself. That is one thing I really want to work on from now on... I want to stop thinking in terms of "if i only had that I would be happy with my life" and just enjoy the life God has given me, knowing that He has such amazing things awaiting me. I need to open my eyes to see the ways I have been so blessed in my life and to remember that God's grace and love is enough (:

Wounded and forsaken, I was shattered by the fall. Broken and forgotten, feeling lost and all alone... Summoned by the King into the Master’s courts; lifted by the Savior and cradled in His arms... I was carried to the table, seated where I don’t belong. Carried to the table swept away by His love, and I don’t see my brokenness anymore when I’m seated at the table of the Lord.

Overly Sensitive?

I am so very sorry that I have been slacking at this whole blogging thing this semester! But I do have a pretty valid excuse as to why I didn't update at all last week... I had midterms. Last week (in the two days I have classes) I had two midterms, two quizzes, and a four page paper due. Then this week I had another midterm and a quiz today. I have been studying my butt off while still trying to balance out all the other parts of my life. I got to go home two weekends ago and had so much fun catching up with friends and spending time with my parents. I got to hang out with Chels a lot.. I miss getting to see that girl everyday! There's just something about being with family and friends that you've known practically your whole life that you just can't get with new friends. Yes, both are amazing... But I miss the crazy times I have with my Clovis friends.

This last weekend I visited my auntie in Sacramento... We went to see a movie and walked around the mall. It was fun to hang out with her and just spend time together and talk. She reminds me so much of my mom in so many different ways... It's kind of funny, but seeing her made me miss getting to see my mom everyday. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE college... and I am definitely not homesick (despite how this post sounds), but I miss certain aspects of being home.

As for the rest of life, I'm just trying to hang in there for now. Today definitely was just not my day. I was frustrated with studying and with a stupid situation I found myself in this morning. I just feel like I've been so quick to get annoyed, defensive, and upset lately. I have no idea why this is happening... But one of my friends the other day pointed out that I'm really sensitive about a lot of things. I mean I know that I'm sensitive at times, but I didn't realize just how easily upset I am until he said that. It makes me wonder why exactly God made me like this. I get sad over little things... Sometimes things that don't even concern me, like sad things happening in other people's lives. At times I wish I could just close myself off from those crazy emotions, take a step back, and just not care for a minute or two so that I can rest. I understand that I am fearfully and wonderfully made... And my Heavenly Father has a plan for my crazy emotional side; it's just incredibly hard to see what it is. I know that in time He will reveal this all to me... My heart will break for a certain thing in this world, and I will understand that He is calling me to go and act on those emotions. Maybe it's best that I view my sensitivity as compassion and understanding for others' feelings... Hopefully this will in some way help with my future career as a counselor? Only God knows... I trust that the Big Guy has got it all under control though (:

Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen... Show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours;
everything I am for Your kingdoms cause.♥

Finding Joy in Him♥

So here's a really quick overview of what I did in the past week/weekend. Celebrated Spencer's birthday, studied, babysat Josiah, saw Dear John (disappointing if you've read the book), went to Nexus, studied, met amazing people at small group through church, went out to dinner with Spencer's parents and a few friends, studied, made brownies, watched movies, went to church, studied, cleaned my room/bathroom, hung out with friends, and did I mention that I studied?

I haven't had all that much homework, yet I know that I have a million quizzes, midterms, and paper deadlines coming up really soon so I'm trying to stay on top of things. I have dedicated way too many hours to reading my biology book and trying to decode my dreams for psychology. This semester is a lot closer to what I thought college would be like in comparison to last semester where I didn't have nearly as heavy of a work load. But I really can't complain all that much since I 1. am very blessed to be going to college and 2. only have classes two days a week and it's not even that bad of a schedule on those two days. As for this upcoming weekend, I think I am going to be heading back to Clovis... I didn't feel like I really wanted to come home all that much, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to go home even if it was just for a couple days. I felt kind of lost this weekend since a lot of my friends/roommates were out of town, and it made me miss being in my house around my family and having all my friends be within a five minute drive and almost always available. I think I'll feel better after a weekend at home.

Other than school and studying, I am trying to keep up with reading my Bible. I FINALLY finished Isaiah after what seemed like an eternity, but I'm really glad I stuck with it... I ended up enjoying it for the most part. Now I have moved onto Hosea and James (yes, at the same time). I felt kind of disconnected for a little while after coming back to school, like my quiet times with God had turned into somewhat of a chore. But I've finally gotten back into the swing of things. I listened this past week as one of my friends spoke briefly at Nexus about how we should look at our relationship with God... He said it should be looked at like a friendship: if you spend days, weeks, or months pushing a friend away, how can you ever have a deeper and more meaningful relationship with them? You can never get to know them any better, and it will strain your friendship in the end. I realized that I wasn't finding the joy in my relationship with God, but as I started to read through James, it occurred to me (once again) just how well God knows me and my heart. I feel like I continually grow closer to Him with each given day, and I am finding so much joy in Him and His word.


"We will find what we are looking for if we will concentrate on Him. We get distracted from God and irritable with Him while He continues to say to us, "Look to Me." Our difficulties, our trials, and our worries about tomorrow all vanish when we look to God."

Busy Busy!

I have been so bad about updating lately and I apologize! This semester has already been a bit hectic. I had my first midterm of the semester last week (insane that my professor scheduled it for the second week of the semester!). I had to memorize the entire anatomy of a dinosaur, but I managed to get an A (: So my weeks have consisted of studying, classes, babysitting, church, and hanging out with friends. I've actually had quite a bit of free time, and I'm trying to get out of the dorm as much as possible. I don't want to stay home all this semester and be lazy... So I've been hanging out with my friends and roommates often. Spencer and I have been studying together and going to Starbucks (I don't know what I'm going to do when he goes to France next year!).

Other than that, I feel like I came into this semester with an open mind and I have really found a new appreciation for my roommates. I got pretty annoyed last semester, but I think because I haven't been home as much this semester, I've gotten along with them much better. We've had some nice conversations and fun laughs already... Things are looking up as of right now.

I also had my interview for Hume Lake last week, and I'm thinking it went pretty well. The conversation flowed pretty easily between me and the woman who interviewed me. Then on top of that, my Bible study leader, Matt, knows the lady conducting interviews and hiring people (he worked at the camp a few summers ago and plans to work there again this summer...) so he sent her a really nice email about me! I'm hoping that helps too (:

My Valentines Day was spent having a nice dinner with friends (the night before) then at church and babysitting. Since I did not have a boyfriend or a guy in my life this year, I was happy I could babysit Josiah and let Micah and Erica have a nice night out. It also gave me some time to get some homework done and just relax for a little bit while the little guy napped. It was much better than spending my day at home thinking about how everyone was going on dates haha!

As for the weeks to come, they're pretty much involving the same routine I mentioned earlier, which I don't mind at all! I'm not in a huge hurry to go home or anything, but it would be nice to see everyone probably some time next month. I miss my friends and family... and of course that crazy little dog! I'll most likely visit Clovis again in the middle of March or something then I'll be home again for spring break and my birthday in April. I don't feel quite as homesick this semester... Maybe because I'm more used to this environment now or because I had seven whole weeks at home, but either way it's nice to feel comfortable here. Sonoma State finally feels like my home away from home.

God's Grace

The Asian Pacific American Conference this weekend was so fun! I ate some really weird things the first night (traditional Chinese banquet food... deep fried fish with the head still on, need i say more?), met some really nice people from my school and other norcal schools, received numerous compliments from the other girls there, and came away feeling closer to God. The weekend, for me, was more about grace than my Asian American identity.

I learned that there are so many times in my life that I know that God freely gives me grace yet I feel as if I have to do something to repay Him. I have to read my Bible every night, go to every Intervarsity event, or try to be the "perfect Christian girl" in order to find favor in His eyes... When in reality that is not at all how it is. God's love is so unconditional and unchanging; He loves me now and has loved me even when I made decisions that I'm not so proud of now. His grace covers every part of my life and is something that cannot be increased or diminished by any mistake or good deed. God knows what's in my heart, where I've been, and where my life is headed. I think I learned this weekend that His grace comes with no strings attached and is something I should find great joy in. He calls out to me in hardest times of my life saying, "my precious child, do not be afraid to come to Me and crawl into My arms... I am here and I love you no matter what you have done". That thought brings me more comfort than anything else in this world.

God's grace will continue to amaze me time and time again. The way God has spoken to my heart this weekend moved me in a big way. I even stood up to share with the entire conference a letter I had wrote to God this morning, a way to accept His grace. It's amazing the courage God has given me to be so open about my faith and the things He is doing within me. Knowing that I will continue to grow closer to Him throughout my life and our relationship will strengthen even more is exciting. I think I now know the true meaning of rejoicing in the Lord (:

"I am your beloved, Your creation... And You love me as I am. You've called me chosen for Your kingdom; unashamed to call me your own... I am your beloved. "

Long Week!

Oh my goodness... My first week of classes was SO long! I think it was just because I had to get back into the routine of going to bed at a decent hour, getting up early, and managing my time well. I only have classes Tuesday/ Thursdays, but that means that those two days are pretty hectic. I have class from 8-10:30 am (two different classes) then I have a pretty long break... Then I have four classes back to back from 2:30-6:40. It hasn't been too bad; it was just hard to go from doing literally nothing all day everyday to doing something constantly. Welcome back to college life!

Along with starting classes this week, I also started babysitting (man have I missed doing that!). For the last 5 or so years I had so much fun babysitting my neighbors, Cooper and Finnley, but since I moved I haven't babysat at all... I forgot how much fun it can be! I'm going to start watching little Josiah every Wednesday. His mom actually used to babysit me a long time ago when she lived across the street from me! Erica and Micah (Josiah's parents) both work at the awesome church I've been going to/volunteering at since I came to school. I had a lot of fun playing with him Wednesday... It was a million times better than going to classes (especially since he's such a good baby!). So I think Wednesdays will quickly become my favorite day of the week (:

As for everything else... I am going to an Asian Christian conference this weekend (Mom, maybe your hope for me to marry a Christian man and an Asian guy will finally work out this weekend... haha don't get your hopes up!). And I also have a phone interview for Hume lake this next week! I'm hoping things go well! Then the rest of my free time has been spent either studying or hanging out with the people I have missed so much and the new friends I've made over the past week! I feel so blessed to have good classes, great friends, and time to relax! (: God knows exactly what I need and He has definitely provided over the last few months!

When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere... When I don’t measure up to much in this life; oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ♥

Uneventful Day

Today was filled with errands... I don't want to explain everything that I did because it is going to sound incredibly boring! But I will say that I got up early this morning (without even having classes) and went to the rec center to work out! I also got to catch up with a bunch of people and just have fun before my classes start tomorrow. Tonight I went to an intervarsity outreach event where they addressed the issue of slave trafficking... We all made shirts having to do with it and we're going to wear them on Thursday. We're hoping that the vague message on the shirts will prompt people in our classes to ask us about them so we can raise awareness.

I wish I had more things to update everyone on, but unfortunately today was pretty uneventful! Tomorrow, however, may be a different story. Five classes in one day will definitely be interesting... and I'm sure I'll have more than enough to complain about! (:

Same Old, Same Old

It's my first night back in the dorms and it almost feels like I never left. I was greeted by the familiar sounds of my roommates singing, screaming, laughing, and talking. After unloading my car (I had a ridiculous amount of stuff), I decided to rearrange my room... It took a total of two hours for me to get it just right, but I'm pretty happy with the end result. After that I had to unpack and it seriously sucked. Today will probably be only one of a handful of days in my life where I hate the fact that I have such a large amount of clothes (yes Mom I am very thankful and fortunate to have such a big wardrobe, but I hate unpacking all my stuff by myself).

After unpacking and taking a quick nap, I headed over to the Doubletree to pick up Kaitlin who had taken a shuttle in from the airport. We ran to Target really quick then to In n Out for grilled cheeses. After hanging out in her room for a bit, I came back to my room to relax and get ready for bed. The drive has worn me out, and I want nothing more right now than to climb into my (tiny) bed and sleep. I haven't even been back here for 12 hours and I'm already back in the swing of things.


Can You take me by the hand; can You use me as I am... Break me into who You want me to be. When the time is finally right, will You open up my eyes... Show me everything You want me to see (:

Back to RoPo!

So I'm heading back up to Rohnert Park tomorrow and I am more than ready to be there! I am definitely not excited for the four hour drive by myself, but I am ready to see all my friends and for classes to start. I spent my last few days here with my friends, taking care of different appointments (eye doctor and shots... ewww), and enjoying my time at home with my parents and Junie. It's going to be really weird being back in the dorms and going to the caf for meals, but I'm sure it won't take long for me to get back into the swing of things.

I'm hoping that after my time at Urbana and the huge amount of time after that I had to reflect, I will go back to school with a new outlook on the way I should be living my life, Who I should be living it for, and the attitude I have. Just because I'm going back to a hectic schedule and classes that I'm sure will produce tons of homework, doesn't mean I should lose sight of all the amazing things I've learned over break. I know that God is stirring in my heart, and I will continue to grow closer to Him over the next semester. I just have to make sure I set aside time to spend with God in His word, in prayer, and reading the many books I bought at Urbana.

I have a feeling this semester is going to be a lot different than last semester... Since I needed about a month and a half last semester to adjust to college life and all that. This semester I know what to expect; I'm not scared or apprehensive about anything. I am simply excited to see the great things the next 4 months will hold. Life is good (:

"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." ♥

Longest Break Ever!

I'm down to less than a week of break left, and I could not be more ready to go back! All my friends have started school and have jobs so I feel like I have had nothing to do for the past couple weeks. I miss my friends from school and I'm ready to tackle all my new classes! I know that this semester will most likely fly by faster than I think, but I am so excited for it.

I also recently applied for a Summer job at Hume Lake Christian Camps... I still have to go through the interview process but I'm hoping for the best! That way I'll have something to do this Summer, I'll be able to make money, and I can make some new friends. I just don't want to fall into the same routine like every other Summer: laying around the house, tanning, going out with friends... Everyday of the week. If I get the job then I will live at the camp with other girls that I work with, but it's close enough to Clovis to where I could come home on weekends if I wanted to. I'm so excited for all of the amazing plans I have for the rest of this year/Summer... I'm going back to school with a new attitude (thank you Urbana) and I can't wait to see what God has planned for me!

Oh and PS... Colt McCoy recently proposed to his girlfriend. :( Sad day!

URBANA! (:

Wow it has taken me what seems like forever to update this thing! Let me start off by stating the obvious... Urbana was beyond amazing! I wish I could give everyone a complete detailed run through of what I experienced, but instead I will provide you with some of my favorite moments with old friends, new friends, and of course amazing moments with God.

After running through airports and going through not only a time change but a vast change in weather, I arrived in snowy St. Louis. That is when the chaos and excitement began. Each day, we would wake up extremely early (7am Missouri time and 5am California time), eat breakfast then head on over to Bible study in our hotel. We would then walk a half mile (most of the week in the snow) to the dome, which is the HUGE convention center, and we would have worship and listen to a few speakers. Following the morning session, we would be free to go to lunch then attend up to two seminars a day, or you could skip the seminars and go the incredible bookstore or the hundreds of booths to meet with different missional ministries. All of that chaos was followed by dinner (watching 17,000 people shuffle through a dinner line was interesting...) then back to evening session where we would listen to a few more speakers and worship some more.

The days were very long, and by the time I would make it back to the hotel all I would want to do is sleep. But I would spend my days with my friend from high school, Micaela, and I would spend my nights with my new friends from school. I had an amazing time getting to know more people from school and getting to spend time with friends from my Bible study. I also met so many people from different countries and different states... It blew me away to think that each and every person I met loved Jesus, just like me. It was comforting to know that there are so many other people out there who share that same passion.

The first few days, I didn't hear any amazing speakers... I was getting a little antsy because I expected to be so blown away by what I was hearing. It was until the third night that two men spoke and left me completely convicted and speechless. The first was Shane Claiborne, a radical pastor from the midwest who has written amazing books and has dreadlocks. His talk was on radical giving and being missional in the way you give. The one thing he said that really stuck with me was that "the blessings of God are too great not to give away"... It stuck out to me because I had never thought of it like that. That this Love I have found would be so amazing that I would want to share it and give it away... It makes sense, but it just wasn't something that I had initially seen. Shane was followed by Oscar Muriu from Kenya who spoke about missions in general. He was probably the most convicting out of all the speakers I listened to. He made the point that going overseas does not make you a missionary, it's not about geographical location... It's about crossing through the door from pride to humility, power to powerless, riches to poverty, and harmony to brokeness; just as Jesus did when He came to earth. Our good intentions will never be enough unless they are accompanied by humility.

I went back to the hotel that night and thanked God for the amazing way He had spoken to me. It occurred to me that my heart has not been in the right place all this time; yes I would love to go overseas, but if I can't even be missional at home with that same humility then there is no way I could do anything in a foriegn country. So I looked up some of the verses they referred to and I came up with Acts 1:8 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth". Jesus begins by telling his disciples to start in Jerusalem, their home... That is where I have to start, in my hometown, my home church, my dorm room, and with my friends and loved ones. If I can't serve the people around me with the same humility and open heart as Jesus did, then how will I ever be able to serve so lovingly overseas?

This whole experiece has changed the way I view my life and its purpose. Although global missions may not be my life calling, I would love to make it a part of my life. I just have to get my heart to that place... I continue to work on that daily and pray that God will be my teacher through all of this. Urbana was such a great experience... And everything that I described is not even the half of it. I wish I could have stayed longer; it has definitely been hard to readjust to normal life back in Clovis while still keeping in mind everything I learned in those five days. I imagine it will be even more challenging to go back to school. But I have most definitely enjoyed break overall and feel very fortunate to have had such a great opportunity to attend Urbana.

As for the rest of my life, I have decided I would like to marry Colt McCoy... He is the quarterback of the Texas Longhorns, incredibly cute, and amazingly humble. This video sums it all up! (: