Meet Me in St. Louis (:

So it's late and I should be asleep already since I have to wake up in about five hours, but my head is spinning with excitement. In about 12 1/2 hours I will have flown by myself, be in another state, and be mentally preparing myself for the amazing things I will experience over the course of the next five days. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm gong to Urbana tomorrow in St. Louis; it's a missions conference where 20,000 college students all meet.

I can't even begin to imagine all the amazing things I'll learn over the next week. I am reminding myself to go in with an open mind and open heart, knowing that God will fully take care of the rest. I hope to form amazing lasting relationships with the people around me, but also strengthen the one most important relationship in my life. I am prepared to let God continually change my heart and to listen to His plan for my life. I know that this experience will be everything I expect and so much more! I will definitely have a long update when I come home, but until then... Prayers for a safe, life changing, amazing trip!

End of First Semester!

After devoting over 24 hours of my time to studying in the past 3 days, I finally feel ready for my final tomorrow! It's pretty sad to be leaving all my friends from here, but I could not be more excited to be back in Clovis and best of all for URBANA! So many good things are coming up in the next few weeks!

It's so crazy that after tomorrow, I will be completely finished with my first semester of college. When I think back on the past 4 months, I can't believe how much things have changed, yet stayed the same. I've learned a million life lessons about trusting people, putting up with people, living with 5 girls, stepping out of your comfort zone, and working hard! I don't think I have ever been as dedicated to school as I have been this past semester. I also cannot believe how much I have grown in my faith... Maybe it was some of the rough times I went through earlier this year, or just the realization that everything is better when you do it for the glory of God, but I have never felt more connected to God and more loved than I do right now! I have also made some amazing friends this last semester... My SSU girls are amazing! And not to mention the people in my Bible study... They have helped me survive these last 4 months! I cannot wait to see what next semester holds for me! (:

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. -Phillipians 4:7

No Sleep :(

I am extremely sleep deprived, so this is going to be the shortest blog ever. I spent the majority of my time today in the library... trying to work through my math homework. Then I went to dinner with Kaitlin, Liz, and Jenna... After we went back to Liz and Jenna's room and made a ricekrispy treat house (kind of like a gingerbread house but better). Around 11:40pm I headed over to Charlie Brown's to meet up with some people and I studied for about 2 1/2 hours straight. I can feel my brain turning to mush. It is now 3:15am and I'm supposed to be up in about 5 1/2 hours. Man I cannot wait for break. Is this the kind of sleep deprivation you feel when you have a child? If so, I think I can do without children for another 20 years... Or at least until I start to like the taste of coffee. I'm going to bed now... More studying tomorrow, final Wednesday, then Clovis!

FINALS!

After having a fun Friday and Saturday spent doing not a whole lot, I had an extremely busy, very productive, and pretty fun Sunday. This morning I went to church and volunteered in the 5th and 6th grade room like always, then went to Starbucks with my friend Kim on our way back to school. I came back to my room after that and just hung out with my roommates for a little bit then I was off to the library.

I met my friends Kathy and Spencer in the library for an intense study session. I wrote a 7 1/2 page paper and started to study a little bit for my math final. Later, when Spencer left, Kathy and I took a little break to talk and get to know each other better... Then it was time for me to head home. I met Kaitlin on the way and we walked back to my room for a going away dinner for one of my friends who won't be back next semester. After dinner, we exchanged our secret santa gifts (I got the cutest PJ pants from Ananta!) then it was time for me to go back to studying (it was 9pm by that time). So Kaitlin and I headed over to the library, but it was too crowded for us to study, so we headed over to Charlie Brown's instead. There were so many people there! But we managed to find a table and started to get some work done... Until the guys from my Bible study came over and got us totally sidetracked. In the end though, I worked on math assignments and studied for another 4 hours. I didn't get home from Charlie Brown's until 1am!

My brain is officially starting to turn to mush already... I can't even imagine how next semester will be! I've signed up for Physics, Geology, Biology, English, and Psychology... But I'm hoping to pick up an Environmental Studies class and a Physics lab class which will bring me to 7 classes and 19 units. Finals week next semester will be the end of my life pretty much! But as for right now, I just want to get my final over with and go home! I'm starting to get pretty tired of living with 5 girls 24/7... I feel like I'm back in 8th grade sometimes, when girls were so catty and sneaky. It's just so annoying... It will be nice to be home and living with some normal people for awhile! Only 2 more days!

Take Off Your Mask

I am completely stressed over registering for more units tomorrow... or today, depending on how you look at it. I need at least 6 more units, and all of the classes I was planning on signing up for have closed! I'm all for furlough days and no Friday classes, but this whole no classes are open thing is totally lame! Everyone keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow at 11am, I get into the classes I want/need!

Other than that, today was a pretty good and productive day. I had my last university 102 class, went to lunch at Charlie Brown's with Liz and Kaitlin, then went home to work on my philosophy paper. After finishing 3 1/2 out of the 5 pages, I headed over to Shannon's room for our weekly hang out then met up with Spencer for dinner. Then it was time for Nexus, which was totally amazing!

Robbie, one of the guys who is on Intervarsity staff at SSU and is super nice, spoke tonight about the masks we wear and kingdom community. He talked about how we wear these masks that prevent us from getting close to others and growing in community and fellowship; we also prevent ourselves from being vulnerable before God. I was in awe of how vulnerable Robbie was in front of such a large group of people... He told us about his freshman year of college and the many things he regrets doing, all centered around partying. I have never seen someone (especially a guy) be so open about everything like he was... He cried, which of course made all the girls want to cry too! At the end, he told us to take off our masks and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to God and to work to make ourselves a part of community with fellow Christians. That really resonated with me, the fact that we can sometimes cover up our true selves or let things like sin, regret, or pride get in the way of our relationship with God and other people as well. Robbie's talk just blew me away, and I watched as so many people opened their hearts to God tonight.

After feeling so disconnected from school, my friends here, and out of touch with God this week... Tonight's Nexus just reiterated the idea that God wants us to lay it all before Him and show Him who we really are. It also reminded me how great of friends I have here and the many people I have yet to meet. At our meeting for Urbana tonight, I had so many people I had never met come up to me and ask me if I was "the freshman" going to the conference, because I'm the only underclassmen going. It's just nice to know that by the end of the trip I'll come back knowing that many more people and hopefully feeling more on fire for God than ever! The next few weeks can't come fast enough!


Majesty, majesty, Your grace has found me just as I am... Empty handed but alive in Your hands. Majesty, majesty, forever I am changed by Your love in the presence of Your majesty. Here I stand, humbled by the love that You give. Forgiven so that I can forgive... Here I stand knowing that I’m Your desire; sanctified by glory and fire. And now I’ve found the greatest love of all is mine, since You laid down Your life: the greatest sacrifice.

Sleep Deprivation

I cannot wait for this week to come to an end... It feels like it is going by SO slow! I have so many papers to write and a few things to study for, but after the week is over then I'm pretty much home free! Today was my last psych class (very sad!) and we got out about 2 hours early, so I had the rest of the day to relax and study. I went to the library with Spencer for awhile then came back home to have dinner... I made chicken curry that my mom had frozen for me the last time she was here, it was SO good!

I decided tonight that I am going to bed early... Or what I think is early at least. With the exception of last night, I haven't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep in one night for the last week. So tonight I'm going to try and catch up on sleep so that I don't have to take a long nap tomorrow and I can actually use my time to be productive. I think I need to get onto a new sleep schedule, especially for next semester. I haven't completely figured out what classes I'm going to be taking for sure... I just know that, ideally, I would like to be taking 18 units and 6 classes. Kaitlin seems to think that this kind of schedule is comparable to suicide, but Spencer thinks it's completely fine as long as I make time to study. I personally think I'll be alright... But I guess I'll just wait and see if any classes are even open by the time I register on Friday!

"I'm only closer and closer to where I want to be when You take over... Can You take over me?" -Aaron Shust

Bless Those Who Persecute You...

After only getting around 3 hours of sleep last night, my day consisted of a 3 1/2 hour nap after my morning classes. Later I went to ballet and had our final performance then to the gym with Kaitlin so we could work out a little bit. When I came home, I talked to my mom on the phone for quite awhile, and I think I complained enough to her in one night to make up for all the complaining she has missed out on since I moved out.

After eating dinner, I started to talk to my friend about a dillemma I'm in with what I want to do on Wednesday. It's my suitemate's birthday and everyone is going out to dinner... But I don't really want to go, plus it's the last night of Bible study for the whole semester. So I had to decide if I was going to A) lie to her and make up a reason for not going or B) go and be totally unhappy... Or this is what I thought my options were. After talking to Spencer and my Bible study leader, Shannon, they brought it to my attention that I shouldn't go unless I'm going to be joyful about it. Shannon also brought up something that we had gone over last week in Bible study... We each chose a command to try and follow through with this next week. Lucky for me, I chose "bless those who persecute you" and "do not seek revenge". So through that, we all came to the conclusion that I should go and be happy about it because it will show that I'm making an effort to be a good roommate despite the outside circumstances of the situation. Plus I'm going to try to leave early if that's possible... So that I can go to Bible study too. I hate and love, all at once, that Shannon and Spencer have the ability to turn things around on me and make me rethink things in that way. I have amazing friends who hold me accountable for my actions in the best way possible (:

Like hinges straining from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing... All that is within me cries, for You alone be glorified: Emmanuel, God with us. ♥

Long Weekend!

It is 1am and I have just finished my philosophy project... Man I can't wait for Christmas break! But anyways, this has been the longest weekend for some reason. Friday, after my classes were both cancelled, my grandparents came for the day. We had a good time walking around campus and looking around the shops in Santa Rosa; it was nice to spend time with them and just talk since we don't get to see each other all that often. That night, I went to First Friday at a church in Petaluma, In n Out afterwards, then back to my friend's room for awhile. The next morning I got up pretty early, went to brunch with Spencer, then headed out to a movie with him and a few other people. We ended up seeing 2012... It was a good movie, just extremely long and pretty unrealistic. That night, Kaitlin, Liz, and I went to to Amecis then to the basketball game... We lost. Later that night I went to Liz's room and we skyped with some of her friends and spent over an hour on stumbleupon.com looking at random websites until Spencer came over to walk me home (he's such a good friend!).

As for today, I woke up really early and headed over to the church for Sunday school. I only had two girls this morning, but we had a fun time talking and laughing about all sorts of things. We also went into the kindergarten-4th grade room and did worship with them and listened to a story teller, who even I thought was funny. It was amazing to see all the little kids singing worship songs and getting so excited about being at church... It was definitely the highlight of my day. After coming home and eating a quick bowl of cereal, I headed over to the library to work on a group project for philosophy... Following that little meeting was a looooong nap! Which is why I am just now finishing my part of the project. But I am hoping that the next 10 days go by quick so I can go home and be with friends and family! But as for the remainder of this semester, I'm going to be studying, writing papers, and keeping my fingers crossed for the getting the classes I want/need next semester!

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.♥

All Alone For Once...

After an amazing Bible study last night we were put to the challenge to choose one of the commandments from the scripture and apply it to our lives. With my frustration from certain roommates growing daily, Spencer suggested that I choose the one that says "bless those who persecute you". And after hearing what one of my roommates is going through with her homelife, it occured to me that things are NEVER as they seem. Sure people can put up a front and hide their pain, insecurities, and suffering with a smile or harsh words, but you never really know what's going on behind all of that. After hearing that and having a long conversation with Spencer, I just decided that maybe it would be easier for me to put the feelings of annoyance and dislike aside... Those feelings were just making it worse because every little thing that came out of her mouth was beginning to bug me.

It's not just that, but it's also that last night while at Bible study I said that sometimes we don't bless other people or it's easier for us to curse others because we forget that we are all God's children. When I was thinking about this after, I realized that I don't even practice that kind of patience in my own life... I never stop myself before getting angry and think, "this person I'm about to yell at, they are just as much one of God's children as I am". It's hard to believe, the way I've treated people in the past, or the things I've said about them. I think that patience is the number one thing I've struggled with in the past few months. College has really opened my eyes to the fact that there are going to be people throughout the course of my life that I don't get along with, so obviously patience is a pretty important thing to have.

As for tonight, I'm in my dorm, literally all alone. Every single one of my suitemates is gone tonight... One went to visit her boyfriend at another school and the other 4 are going to the farmhouse for a party. So I'm staying home tonight... And it's extremely quiet, something I'm not at all used to. But at the same time, it's kind of nice to be able to hear my own thoughts for once. Oh the joys of college (:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. -Romans 12:1-2

Who Do You Run To?

Tonight I saw a blog one of my friends posted on facebook; it was titled "Who do you run to?". It got me thinking about who I run to when things get tough... I know that I go straight to someone who will let me vent/complain/cry or whatever it is that I need to do. At the time, that may be a roommate, friend from school, friend from home, or one of my parents. But what happens when no one is in the dorm, my friends are in class, and I'm 4 hours from Clovis? Where can I run to then?

When things got difficult today and I wanted nothing more than to hop in my car and drive home, I found myself with nowhere to run and no one to run to. But that's just it... I didn't even have to run anywhere to find help, comfort, and someone to hold me when I needed it most. God never left, He is always there when I need Him most... So to answer the question simply, I don't run to anyone, I don't need to. He is here in my heart... no matter what state, city, or country I'm in He never leaves my side. He will go with me through the valleys and to the highest peaks of the mountains. God is still God in times of trouble... And even when it feels as if the world is crashing down around us, we can take comfort in knowing that He holds the plan for our lives in His hands. There may be pain, but God is SO much bigger than the sufferring we endure.

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. -Psalm 23:1-4

May angels lead you in Hercules♥