Pumpkins and Cacti.. Cactuses? (:

Today was spent relaxing, running errands, and spending time with my suitemates. Chloe and I made a trip to Target to get pumpkins for everyone. While I was there I fell in love with an adorable red and yellow baby cactus... It was only $2, so I adopted him. Chloe named him Ronaldo, he's so cute! This evening we went to dinner with Brittney, Rachel, and Danyale in the caf then we came home to start our pumpkin carving! We all tried to make our pumpkins look unique and they all turned out pretty funny! I'll put pictures up soon!

I still have yet to pack for Trilogy tomorrow, but I will after my 8am class. I am beyond excited for this weekend. I have my costume all ready for the halloween dance tomorrow night (I'm going to be a snowflake) and I can't wait to meet new people from all the different schools! My friend James has told me time and time again that he has not been to a conference yet where God hasn't worked in the lives and hearts of all the people who attend. I'm excited and anxious to see how God is going to work in my heart this weekend. It's my prayer that my friends will keep an open mind and open heart this weekend and we will all come out with a reignited fire for God in our hearts! I can't wait for this weekend! (:

I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough. With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above... For as long as I shall live I will testify to love!

Letting in the Light

Sometimes I feel like it's so hard to relate to people that don't share my same beliefs, morals, and may not be at the same place in their walk with God as I am. Not to say that I don't respect everyone else's opinions, I just found myself getting so frustrated with some of the people around me who don't value the same things or hold the same priorities as I do. It was definitely a reality check in the way that I am reminded that not everyone is going to think or act exactly like me, in fact it may be a very small group of people who I find that I can relate to.

I know that in this world I'm going to be surrounded by people who don't believe in God or don't know Jesus, but it's just so hard when I want everyone to see the world like I do. That sounds so incredibly selfish and conceited, but I definitely don't mean it that way at all... It's just that I have this light in my life that wasn't always necessarily there and it's hard for me to understand why not everyone would want to have this same light in their lives, the light that brings me so much joy. But I have heard it said before that sometimes it's like we're caught in a dark room, you can't just throw open a door or a window and expect someone to be able to see clearly because they'll be blinded; you have to slowly let in individual rays of light and see how they respond.

I guess it's just frustrating because I feel like over the past year my life has changed in such a dramatic way. My priorities have been turned upside down and reorganized in a good way and the way I'm living right now is nothing like I was this time last year. It's just hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I changed so much over the past 12 months from this light in my life, yet there's people in my life who are still trapped in those dark rooms, not accepting even the smallest ray of light. Yet at the same time, I understand that they are all at different parts of their walk... It's just hard when I believe so strongly in God and the joy I've found in Him. Maybe this weekend will help me to figure all this out.

And that right there, is exactly what Bible study does to me! Makes me rethink my life and the things around me... It's a good and bad thing all wrapped in one.

All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with Your love, and all I have in You is more than enough♥

All Grown Up?

After making it through my four hour psych class this morning, I came home exhausted and decided to skip going to lunch with the girls so I could sleep. When I woke up an hour later, I was hungry but realized that I had pretty much no food in the pantry. Chloe and I made our way over to Target so I could pick up some milk, yogurt, and other snacks. It wasn't really all that fun having to hunt for things that weren't outrageously priced. It made me think about how much I took living at home for granted. I never had to worry about if there was going to be food in the house or what I would eat for dinner because my mom always took care of it. It just seemed so weird to me today that I was going through the check out line with a cart full of groceries without my mom there to pay for everything! I can't even imagine how weird it is going to be when I'm out of college and COMPLETELY moved out of my parents house and I'm going grocery shopping with my husband or something. It makes me feel all grown up doing all the shopping for myself (except for the fact that I'm not paying for any of it ha).

The grocery shopping experience along with my little burst of cleaning tonight was a little reminder of how much I'm on my own and how much I've matured over the last few months. I took out the trash tonight and completely cleaned my bathroom. I also cleaned my room and organized my desk. Two months ago I would have NEVER cleaned my bathroom just because it was messy (keep in mind that I shared a bathroom with my brother!) and I definitely was not assigned a day to take out the trash at home! I guess I've just figured out since being here that if I want something done, then I'm going to have to do it myself... That's the only way it will get done. After being SO excited to grow up and get married, I think I can wait on the whole being responsible for a household and all that for a few more years (:

"Give me Your eyes for just one second; give me Your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing. Give me Your love for humanity. Give me Your arms for the broken hearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten... Give me Your eyes so I can see" -Brandon Heath

Love Letters

"Wait on me, My princess. My timing is always perfect. I know you're anxious about many things, and I see the passion for all the plans I have put in your heart. I know that you long to fly, and I see your enthusiasm. However, just as vinedresser nurtures the vine and waits patiently for the right moment to harvest the grapes, so am I working tirelessly to prepare you to bear much fruit. Don't run ahead of me or try to fly before My plans are complete. Your strength will fail you and your dreams will wither away. Trust Me that My dreams for you are greater than you can dream on your own. You will run farther and soar higher if you will patiently wait for the season of My blessing. Draw close to me now, and I promise that this season of waiting will bring the sweetest of rewards.
Love,
Your King and Lord of perfect timings"

This is from a book of devotionals and "love letters" that I bought today from the Christian bookstore. I felt like that letter in particular matched exactly how I've been feeling lately. It's hard to be patient when all I want to do is dive into my future and get on with the rest of my life already. I wish I could just jump ahead 5 years from now! Tonight I even found myself wishing I could jump ahead a year just to get away from one girl in particular that just really rubs me the wrong way. I'm praying that I will have the patience to deal with her conflicting personality and ultimately show God's love to her through my actions, despite the way I feel about her. Following God and what I know He wants me to do with my life or how He wants me to act can be so challenging sometimes.

Aside from going to the Christian bookstore today, I mostly just hung out with Chloe and Kaitlin and then went out to dinner tonight for my suitemate's birthday. We went out to sushi with all her friends then came back and everyone had cake. Today was mostly just a laid back sort of day... I didn't have a lot to do, and I wasn't very productive either, haha! But I'm just counting down the days until I leave for Trilogy on Friday! It will be so nice to get away!

But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:31

Part of the Journey

This weekend revolved around church and girls' nights for me. I went back and forth to New Vintage all weeekend for meetings and church services. Then Friday and Saturday night I hung out with some of my favorite girls, watched movies, had girl talk, and played lots of board games. It was nice to have a weekend with the girls and to just relax with them.

Today, for some reason, I missed being home so much. I wanted nothing more than to be back in Clovis for the night and to see my family and friends. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day, it's just still an adjustment for me to not see everyone everyday like I did for more than half my life. I think that the mini conference I'm going to in Woodleaf this weekend will be good for me. I need to spend some time with God this week to just reflect and pray about where my life is going and just following His plan for my life. That's really been my goal for myself lately... To quiet my heart and my needs so that I can hear His plans for my life and where He wants me to be. I know that I'm here at school for a reason, that I chose Sonoma because it was part of His plan... That thought right there helps me to remember that even though I'm homesick, this is just all part of my journey.

"I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord and I am hopeful. I'm waiting on You, Lord though it is painful... But patiently, I will wait" -John Waller

Delight Yourself in the Lord

Aside from homework, Nexus has been the most exciting thing for me this week. The speaker was a girl who graduated from SSU this past year and she spoke about what kind of soil we are. This came out of Mark and I loved it; she really inspired me to let my faith get deep down into my heart. I think it really goes with what I've kind of been struggling with for the last few months, trusting in God's plan. I think I'm just so anxious sometimes to get things done my way on my time that I forget that He has it all planned out for me. I keep telling Chloe and Kaitlin that I'm SO tired of dating and I just want to find "the one" already, but I'm making a true effort to be patient and not just settle. Liz and I have conversations about this all the time and how I should know that God will bring someone into my life when the time is right. And no, this is not me complaining about being single... It's me being impatient about finding out who I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with! But I got so excited when I was talking to my mom the other day; she told me about how she was laying in bed and started to wonder what fabulous guy God had lined up for me to marry. It just reminded me that all this WILL be worth the wait. I know that I'm doing the best thing for myself right now by not dating so that I can focus on God and His plan instead of trying to force my own plans to work. Sometimes faith can be such a hard thing for me.... But I'm doing my best and I know that if I delight myself in the Lord then He will give me the desires of my heart (:

Take this world from me, I don't need it anymore. I am finally free... My heart is spoken for. Oh and I praise You, oh and I worship You. Covered by Your love divine, child of the risen Lord. To hear You say "This one's mine"... My heart is spoken for.
-Mercyme

Have Patience

After my two classes this morning, I went to the caf for lunch with Kaitlin and Chloe and had salad, a few fries, and a tiny bit of frozen yogurt. For some reason when I got home I started to feel really sick and so did Kaitlin. So we spent the rest of the day with some weird sort of food poisoning or something. It was NOT fun! But I woke up just in time for James to come over so we could hang out along with Chloe until everyone came over for Bible study. I also skyped with my parents and told them an amazing joke that Liz told me about a singing cookie... If you don't know this joke then seriously ask one of my parents about it! They would be happy to tell you!

This semester in Bible study we're going through the book of Romans and tonight it was especially confusing. I know that the book was written forever and a half ago, but I had no idea what Paul was saying in the verses we read tonight. I feel like I asked so many questions, but in the end it was SO worth it. It was all about being prisoners to sin, but knowing in our minds that we are saved through Christ. After we were done, I had a nice conversation with Spencer (he's also a freshman and lives in a building near mine) about having patience. When our Bible study leader tonight asked for prayer requests, I asked that I could have patience and remember to show God's love even to people that I don't particularly like. He told me he was really struggling with this too, so it was nice for me to know that I wasn't the only one going through it. We kind of offered each other support and it helped just knowing that my whole Bible study knew exactly how it was to struggle with that type of thing (:

So I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all. So I’ll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered...All I am is Yours ♥

Let My Heart Get So Lost...

Today was a pretty laid back day since I only had one class this morning and he let us out over an hour early. I went to Charlie Brown's with Chloe and Kaitlin, the store with Chloe and Brittney, and the gym with Kaitlin. Kaitlin and I have been trying to go to the gym everyday and run the track on top of eating healthy. But eating healthy kind of went downhill tonight when we went upstairs to hang out with the girls that live above us; they made monkey munch and it was DELICIOUS! We sat around in a circle and played catchphrase and watched The Hills. After a little while some of the girls went to bed, so the other girls started talking about playing with a ouija board. I decided not to play because I was extremely freaked out and I don't think I really believe in it... So Kaitlin and I sat back and watched. I was so scared by the end of it and Kaitlin was crying because she was so freaked out by it. Chloe is sleeping in my room tonight and so is our friend Destiny because we are all too scared to sleep alone now! That is the first and last time I will ever sit in a room with a ouija board; I just kept reassuring myself that God will protect me! Tonight is going to be a long night....

On a happier note, the girls and I are signing up to go on a retreat with Intervarsity on Halloween weekend. We get to stay in cabins and meet up with other Intervarsity people from northern California... We're all expecting to have a really good time! I'm excited to see God work in all of our lives... I just can't wait to see what He does in my life and the lives of the people closest to me this year!

A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him to find her. ♥
I love this quote... It really reminds me that if I trust in His plan for my life then he will take care of everything (:

No Class Today!

I am happy to report that I got 11 hours of sleep last night AND my only class today was cancelled! So I got to spend the day with Kaitlin and Liz doing laundry and working out. We went to the rec center and ran the indoor track then went to one of the open rooms upstairs and we danced for awhile... It was so fun! Tonight I just relaxed and watched some shows I missed on Hulu while Kaitlin watched the Chargers game. It's been an easy and pretty uneventful day.

I've decided to get myself into a new night time routine where I read my Bible every night. I used to read my Bible often but not every night, and it seems like since coming to school I've kind of put it on the back burner. I figured that if I got into a better routine then I would be more likely to read it every night. I really feel like I should be spending more time in the word and just growing closer to God. It's hard with all the craziness here, but when I really stop to think about it, I know that He should be the center of my life, always. I just have to stick with that same mindset everyday instead of letting myself forget.


"I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, or meander in the maze of mediocrity."

Clovis... or Fresno?

This weekend I played tour guide for Liz, Chloe, and Kaitlin when they came home with me for the weekend. I took them to a Clovis High football game, Ooh Lala, Yodiggity, and Doghouse which pretty much covered some of my favorite places. The entire time we were in town Liz would ask me if we were in Clovis or Fresno wherever we stopped; I thought it was really funny because it just seems so obvious to me since I lived there for so long. Then last night we went to the fair for a little while... The girls were pretty surprised by the beautiful area of Fresno where the fair grounds are located (ha!). Liz was kind of freaked out, but I reassured her that we were in FRESNO and not Clovis so that she doesn't feel like she has to sleep with one eye open when she's at my house!

This morning, after a good breakfast with my parents, we all went to The Well for the 11 o'clock service. I was happy to be back there, even if we were watching a video of one of the pastors instead of a live person. Plus the worship was really good today! After church we headed to Modesto to have lunch with Liz's family, and right after that we drove straight back to Rohnert Park... Needless to say, I am exhausted!

Despite the long and exciting weekend, the service this morning along with an interesting conversation I had with the girls last night, really got me thinking about how diverse of a world we live in. Even just between us four girls, we had such a difference of opinions on different issues... It's hard for me to wrap my mind around other people's point of views on issues that I'm passionate about. I also feel like I just want to reach out to so many people here at school and share God's love with them. But at the same time, I know that obviously not everyone shares my beliefs and I respect others' opinions, but I guess because I grew up with friends who have almost always attended church, it's weird for me to think that some of my friends here have never gone to church before this year. It's not like I want to go stand out in the quad on campus and preach to the students of Sonoma State or anything, I just feel like if I can just show God's love through my actions to everyone I encounter (which doesn't neccessarily mean I'm going to sit down and have an intense conversation with them about Jesus) then I would be serving in a way pleasing to God. This was all a lot for me to get through my head... So there will probably be more to come on this (:

I'm the one with big mistakes, big regrets, and bigger breaks than I ever care to confess. Oh but, You're the one who looks at me and sees what I was meant to be... More than just a beautiful mess

Midnight Madness...

The last two days have been really uneventful. I had Bible study last night that quickly turned into an interpretive dance party after we finished with our scripture for the night. The boys turned on music from Aladdin and danced with each other around our front room. Then I sat on our air mattress that we've had set out for the last week, and they would jump on it to make me bounce... It was pretty entertaining! After that, Chloe and I had a nice little heart to heart talk and just hung out for awhile.

Today I only had one class then I went to lunch at The Pub with Liz and Kaitlin. After lunch I came home and finished my math homework while watching Pretty in Pink. This evening Chloe, Liz, Kaitlin, Jenna, and I went to the caf for dinner... It was Mexican food night, SO gross! Then it was time for Nexus; the worship tonight was amazing! And at the end of the service, the speaker gave us each a one dollar bill to use to spread the love from the Kingdom of God this week. I'm interested to see what opportunity I will be presented with to use this dollar. Right after Nexus we headed over to the gym for Midnight Madness, which is pretty much a night time college rally. It was really fun; I never realized how many cute guys are one the sports teams (: needless to say I will be going to a lot more basketball, baseball, soccer,tennis, and even golf matches this year than I ever have before haha! But pretty much tonight was just like a CHS rally, except you know you're not in high school anymore when the audience scavenger hunt includes looking for a condom, tongue ring, and a foot tattoo. We all laughed pretty hard at that one.

Now I'm just getting my stuff together to go home tomorrow with Kaitlin, Liz, and Chloe. I'm excited to show them around Clovis and take them to the BIG Fresno Fair! I'm even more excited to take them to The Well with me on Sunday! It's gonna be a good weekend (:

Take my life and let it be all for You and for Your glory; take my life and let it be Yours ♥

Leaky Ceilings..

So before I start in about my day, I would just like to say that my ceiling is leaking literally right above my bed. :( the ceiling is all squishy, so I went upstairs to talk to the girl above me; come to find out that her bathroom isn't even what's causing the leak; it's the stupid rain water coming in from outside! I'm not sure how that's even possible, but the maintenance guys are coming tomorrow to fix it! Until then my furniture is all moved around in weird places so I don't wake up soaked. I HATE the rain today!

I think it rained as much today in Rohnert Park as it does in one year in Clovis... Like seriously, no joke, it poured for the majority of the day! I wore my rainboots and used my clear and barbie pink umbrella to make it out to my car so I could drive to psych this morning. When I got to psych, my professor handed back our first "discussion papers" where we had to present an argument and support it. I got mine back and I managed to get a 10/10 (which is apparently unheard of in psych classes, especially for freshmen) and he included a note on my paper that said, "Erika. Wow. Wow again. This is very impressive. Did you say you were a first year? If so, I'm REALLY impressed" ...He also asked me to send him a copy of my paper so he could use it as an example of an "A" paper in the future. That right there made my day!

So needless to say, I called my mom after class to tell her the good news! We got to talking about how much I like my psych class and how I had mentioned a few weeks ago that I may want to switch my major to psychology, and she gave me the support I needed today through our little phone conversation. Hearing her say that this was my life and it is my decision really gave me the reassurance I needed. I feel so passionately about helping other people and hopefully using my degree to have a career in ministry. I have been praying about this for the past couple months, and I just feel like this is something that God has really put on my heart... And I'm excited to see what He has planned for me and how He will use me in the future! I'm definitely trusting in His plan and really trying to follow Him right now, even though the future may be uncertain and seem a little scary at the moment, I'm not worried (:

"Be strong in the LORD and never give up hope. You're going to do great things, I already know. God's got His hand on you so don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget, but don't forget why you're here. Take your time and pray." -Sidewalk Prophets

Rain Rain, Go AWAY!!

It was SO cold the whole day today! I was pretty upset when I had to walk to philosophy this morning when it was only around 40 degrees outside. But when I got there I received the best news ever! Drum roll please!... I don't have philosophy until next Wednesday! Which means that I can sleep in Wednesday, Friday, and next Monday! I was so excited; it definitely made up for the stupid weather! Then (my day just keeps getting better and better) I went to math and he handed back our midterms; I got a 96 out of 100 on my first college midterm! I was so excited, I took a picture of my test and sent it to both my parents (:

After class, Kaitlin, Chloe, and I went to lunch then to Target. There, I rewarded myself with a pair of rainboots, and I'm sure that if my mom saw me in them she would give me that look that she always does when she doesn't like something that I like, and she would say, "Interesting... Well you're the one wearing them, but personally I wouldn't leave the house in those" haha good thing she doesn't have to see me in them! But I really did need them because the stupid rain came in tonight! Good thing I'm prepared!

So altogether, today was pretty productive, and I even got to start reading a new book about what it means to really be a Christian... I can already tell I'm going to enjoy this book. Within the first 40 pages it's already made me think a lot about the way I live. Then coincidentally I heard the song "The Motions" by Matthew West today, which just made me realize that much more that I don't want to be sideline Christian. I want to live my life fully for God, not just on Sundays. So that's my goal this week... to remember to glorify God in everything I do and to come to Him in prayer with every decision I make (:

"I don't want to spend my whole life asking, what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions?" -Matthew West

Parents Weekend

So after getting more sleep than I have in the last 8 weeks, I was finally feeling better and my parents were in town for parents weekend. Friday night after they brought me some much needed groceries, we went over to Mary's Pizza Shack (best pizza in Sonoma County, fyi) and had pizza and pesto breadsticks. Then I managed to sneak in a quick trip to Target. Somewhere in there my parents realized that I am not kidding when I say it's FREEZING here, so they bought me an electric blanket (YAY!). Saturday was filled with random little adventures... From bike stores and the mall, to model homes and furniture shopping; we finished off our day with dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Santa Rosa with Jenna, Liz, and their parents. This morning my parents went to church while I volunteered then we all went to dim sum.

After breakfast I had to say goodbye to my parents, and even though I know I'm going to see them next weekend, it was really sad knowing they were going home without me. I don't know why it was so weird because I really haven't been living with them for the last 2 months, but I guess it's one of those things that I'll never really get used to until I move out for good. For now I'm still the type of girl who has to call her mom more than once a day and still wants to be filled in on everything at home; at this point I really don't see that changing anytime soon. Even after what has seemed like forever, I miss home... Obviously not enough to pack up right now and transfer to Fresno State (NO WAY!!). I love it here, but nothing beats home (:

Sick at College... No Fun :(

So the last 3 days I managed to get some sort of head cold that started with a sore throat. All I've wanted to do is sleep, so that is exactly what I did last night. I took some niquil and slept for 12 hours straight... It was so nice! But my excitement was ruined this morning when I woke up feeling worse than I did last night. Plus, I had to miss Nexus last night and half of Private Practice. Being sick here seriously sucks, but it's a good thing that I have amazing friends who have been taking care of me! Also, my mom and dad are coming today which will be good; my mom can make me miso soup just like when I would get sick at home. Pretty much all I'm going to try and do this weekend is relax and get better. I just love having the worst immune system in the world.

Productive Day

Tuesdays are one of my favorite days of the week for a few reasons: 1. I only have one class 2. That class is psychology which happens to be my favorite and 3. I have from noon on to get whatever I need to get done finished. Today I managed to study for my math midterm for a couple hours, take an hour nap, finish my philosophy homework, and start a new book. It was a majorly productive day!

And yes, I FINALLY finished The Shack (I've been attempting to finish that book for the last 3 months). I stayed up an extra hour last night to finish it, but it was so worth it! I didn't think any book could really captivate me as much as the Twilight Saga did, but I was extremely wrong. The Shack is an amazing book... It really causes you to think about things from a different perspective and to evaluate the way you're living. Now I know why literally everyone I know has read it!

This evening has been pretty uneventful; I just hung out with my suitemates and then studied a little more. I plan on going to bed early tonight so that I can fully concentrate on my midterm tomorrow. I don't know why, but no matter how much I sleep lately, it is impossible for me to catch up on sleep! I am exhausted by the time I actually get to sleep, yet I'm still tired enough throughout the day to take a nap. My sleeping schedule is all messed up! Just one of the many perks of being in college I guess (:

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading." -Oswald Chambers

PS.. Here is the link to the video for Urbana, the missions conference I'm going to be attending in St. Louis at the end of December... Needless to say, I am BEYOND excited!
http://www.urbana09.org/inviteothers.video.summary.cfm

I honestly don't have very much to talk about from my day today because most of it was spent sleeping. I feel like I've only been getting four to five hours of sleep every night for the past couple weeks, and even when I went home I didn't really make up for any of my lost sleep. So today after my classes and lunch, I came home, laid down with the book I have been trying to finish for the last 3 months, and I just relaxed until I fell asleep about 5 minutes later. I only meant to take maybe an hour nap at the most, but I slept for about 3 hours instead. I felt so much better when I woke up; especially because I was in such an odd mood today. I felt like I was on the verge of tears the whole day but for no reason in particular. I guess it was just one of those weird emotional days.

I did, however, kind of a have a small eye opening moment this evening. I was talking to one of my suitemates about how we feel about the school and our work loads, and I was extremely surprised to find out that up until this last week she has been feeling out of place and extremely homesick. While she is not exactly someone that I "click with" I couldn't help but feel bad. I didn't realize that she felt like this; she seemed so well adjusted to everything within the first 2 days of moving in.

This just got me thinking about how lucky I feel to be so comfortable when I am over 200 miles away from home. Yes there have been times that I've struggled with being here and being so far away from my family, especially my mom, but I also feel like this has become my home away from home. I prayed for so long before coming here that everything would turn out right in the end and that I was making the right decision by coming here. I was so nervous, but it's just crazy how blessed I am... God provided me with a church, Christian friends, a Bible study, girls I can go to for advice and I look up to so much, and also family friends close by that I can call if I am having trouble. Looking back on it now, I can't believe I was so worried.

"You are everything that I live for, everything that I can't believe is happening... You're standing right in front of me, with arms wide open; all I know is everyday is filled with hope"

What is Love?

The last four days have been so crazy for me. Thursday I spent all day and night revising my 15 page paper for philosophy and studying for a math quiz. I was so tired by the time I finally got to bed. Friday I went to my classes then I drove home with Kaitlin and we dropped off Liz and Jenna in Modesto on the way. Over the weekend Kaitlin and I went "sight seeing" in Clovis and Fresno (not that there's a whole lot of exciting stuff to see). I mostly just took her to my favorite places to shop and eat. We had a lot of fun driving around and I told her so many stories about each place we visited. It's funny how many good memories I have of my hometown; as much as I complain about how much I hate it there, it's been my home for so long... It's a part of me. Then this morning I got to take Kaitlin to The Well! I was so excited to be back there; I miss it so much! The familiarity of the people and the building and everything was so comforting for some reason, even if it wasn't the service that I normally attend. After church we headed back to Rohnert Park, but picked up Jenna and Liz on the way. They mostly slept while I drove. When we got back to the school, Chloe welcomed me back with an energetic hello. She and I went to an Intervarsity small group meeting tonight, and that is where they posed the question "what is love?"

This really got me thinking about what I think love is or what it means to love someone. They followed that question with, "what things do you love?" "is love conditional" and "is love eternal". When you really stop and think about it, it's kind of funny that we talk about how much we love this kind of cake or we love that brand of shoes. Do we use the word love in that same sense when talking about people? I would sure hope that my family doesn't love me in the same way they love a type of dessert.

So I asked myself what I thought love is... I think love is a feeling we get when we don't have the words to describe how much we really care for someone or something. I also think that love has a broader definition than what can really be defined in one sentence. I also think that love can overcome all things and is, by certain people, conditional. I think I've learned that last one recently the hard way. But I also know, that I am loved by a God whose love is unconditional and eternal. He loves me no matter what I have done or where I am in life. It seriously just amazes me, looking back on everything now, that the God of the universe can love someone like me... A person with so many regrets and someone who has made countless mistakes. It's nice to know that when the whole world is keeping score on how many times I fall or fail at something, I have a God who will welcome me back time and time again and continually hold me in His arms. I feel so incredibly loved.

Now I challenge you as you go about your day to think through these same questions... Really ask yourself: "What is love?" "Is love conditional" "Is it eternal?"

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies. -Psalm 36:5