Meet Me in St. Louis (:

So it's late and I should be asleep already since I have to wake up in about five hours, but my head is spinning with excitement. In about 12 1/2 hours I will have flown by myself, be in another state, and be mentally preparing myself for the amazing things I will experience over the course of the next five days. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm gong to Urbana tomorrow in St. Louis; it's a missions conference where 20,000 college students all meet.

I can't even begin to imagine all the amazing things I'll learn over the next week. I am reminding myself to go in with an open mind and open heart, knowing that God will fully take care of the rest. I hope to form amazing lasting relationships with the people around me, but also strengthen the one most important relationship in my life. I am prepared to let God continually change my heart and to listen to His plan for my life. I know that this experience will be everything I expect and so much more! I will definitely have a long update when I come home, but until then... Prayers for a safe, life changing, amazing trip!

End of First Semester!

After devoting over 24 hours of my time to studying in the past 3 days, I finally feel ready for my final tomorrow! It's pretty sad to be leaving all my friends from here, but I could not be more excited to be back in Clovis and best of all for URBANA! So many good things are coming up in the next few weeks!

It's so crazy that after tomorrow, I will be completely finished with my first semester of college. When I think back on the past 4 months, I can't believe how much things have changed, yet stayed the same. I've learned a million life lessons about trusting people, putting up with people, living with 5 girls, stepping out of your comfort zone, and working hard! I don't think I have ever been as dedicated to school as I have been this past semester. I also cannot believe how much I have grown in my faith... Maybe it was some of the rough times I went through earlier this year, or just the realization that everything is better when you do it for the glory of God, but I have never felt more connected to God and more loved than I do right now! I have also made some amazing friends this last semester... My SSU girls are amazing! And not to mention the people in my Bible study... They have helped me survive these last 4 months! I cannot wait to see what next semester holds for me! (:

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. -Phillipians 4:7

No Sleep :(

I am extremely sleep deprived, so this is going to be the shortest blog ever. I spent the majority of my time today in the library... trying to work through my math homework. Then I went to dinner with Kaitlin, Liz, and Jenna... After we went back to Liz and Jenna's room and made a ricekrispy treat house (kind of like a gingerbread house but better). Around 11:40pm I headed over to Charlie Brown's to meet up with some people and I studied for about 2 1/2 hours straight. I can feel my brain turning to mush. It is now 3:15am and I'm supposed to be up in about 5 1/2 hours. Man I cannot wait for break. Is this the kind of sleep deprivation you feel when you have a child? If so, I think I can do without children for another 20 years... Or at least until I start to like the taste of coffee. I'm going to bed now... More studying tomorrow, final Wednesday, then Clovis!

FINALS!

After having a fun Friday and Saturday spent doing not a whole lot, I had an extremely busy, very productive, and pretty fun Sunday. This morning I went to church and volunteered in the 5th and 6th grade room like always, then went to Starbucks with my friend Kim on our way back to school. I came back to my room after that and just hung out with my roommates for a little bit then I was off to the library.

I met my friends Kathy and Spencer in the library for an intense study session. I wrote a 7 1/2 page paper and started to study a little bit for my math final. Later, when Spencer left, Kathy and I took a little break to talk and get to know each other better... Then it was time for me to head home. I met Kaitlin on the way and we walked back to my room for a going away dinner for one of my friends who won't be back next semester. After dinner, we exchanged our secret santa gifts (I got the cutest PJ pants from Ananta!) then it was time for me to go back to studying (it was 9pm by that time). So Kaitlin and I headed over to the library, but it was too crowded for us to study, so we headed over to Charlie Brown's instead. There were so many people there! But we managed to find a table and started to get some work done... Until the guys from my Bible study came over and got us totally sidetracked. In the end though, I worked on math assignments and studied for another 4 hours. I didn't get home from Charlie Brown's until 1am!

My brain is officially starting to turn to mush already... I can't even imagine how next semester will be! I've signed up for Physics, Geology, Biology, English, and Psychology... But I'm hoping to pick up an Environmental Studies class and a Physics lab class which will bring me to 7 classes and 19 units. Finals week next semester will be the end of my life pretty much! But as for right now, I just want to get my final over with and go home! I'm starting to get pretty tired of living with 5 girls 24/7... I feel like I'm back in 8th grade sometimes, when girls were so catty and sneaky. It's just so annoying... It will be nice to be home and living with some normal people for awhile! Only 2 more days!

Take Off Your Mask

I am completely stressed over registering for more units tomorrow... or today, depending on how you look at it. I need at least 6 more units, and all of the classes I was planning on signing up for have closed! I'm all for furlough days and no Friday classes, but this whole no classes are open thing is totally lame! Everyone keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow at 11am, I get into the classes I want/need!

Other than that, today was a pretty good and productive day. I had my last university 102 class, went to lunch at Charlie Brown's with Liz and Kaitlin, then went home to work on my philosophy paper. After finishing 3 1/2 out of the 5 pages, I headed over to Shannon's room for our weekly hang out then met up with Spencer for dinner. Then it was time for Nexus, which was totally amazing!

Robbie, one of the guys who is on Intervarsity staff at SSU and is super nice, spoke tonight about the masks we wear and kingdom community. He talked about how we wear these masks that prevent us from getting close to others and growing in community and fellowship; we also prevent ourselves from being vulnerable before God. I was in awe of how vulnerable Robbie was in front of such a large group of people... He told us about his freshman year of college and the many things he regrets doing, all centered around partying. I have never seen someone (especially a guy) be so open about everything like he was... He cried, which of course made all the girls want to cry too! At the end, he told us to take off our masks and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to God and to work to make ourselves a part of community with fellow Christians. That really resonated with me, the fact that we can sometimes cover up our true selves or let things like sin, regret, or pride get in the way of our relationship with God and other people as well. Robbie's talk just blew me away, and I watched as so many people opened their hearts to God tonight.

After feeling so disconnected from school, my friends here, and out of touch with God this week... Tonight's Nexus just reiterated the idea that God wants us to lay it all before Him and show Him who we really are. It also reminded me how great of friends I have here and the many people I have yet to meet. At our meeting for Urbana tonight, I had so many people I had never met come up to me and ask me if I was "the freshman" going to the conference, because I'm the only underclassmen going. It's just nice to know that by the end of the trip I'll come back knowing that many more people and hopefully feeling more on fire for God than ever! The next few weeks can't come fast enough!


Majesty, majesty, Your grace has found me just as I am... Empty handed but alive in Your hands. Majesty, majesty, forever I am changed by Your love in the presence of Your majesty. Here I stand, humbled by the love that You give. Forgiven so that I can forgive... Here I stand knowing that I’m Your desire; sanctified by glory and fire. And now I’ve found the greatest love of all is mine, since You laid down Your life: the greatest sacrifice.

Sleep Deprivation

I cannot wait for this week to come to an end... It feels like it is going by SO slow! I have so many papers to write and a few things to study for, but after the week is over then I'm pretty much home free! Today was my last psych class (very sad!) and we got out about 2 hours early, so I had the rest of the day to relax and study. I went to the library with Spencer for awhile then came back home to have dinner... I made chicken curry that my mom had frozen for me the last time she was here, it was SO good!

I decided tonight that I am going to bed early... Or what I think is early at least. With the exception of last night, I haven't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep in one night for the last week. So tonight I'm going to try and catch up on sleep so that I don't have to take a long nap tomorrow and I can actually use my time to be productive. I think I need to get onto a new sleep schedule, especially for next semester. I haven't completely figured out what classes I'm going to be taking for sure... I just know that, ideally, I would like to be taking 18 units and 6 classes. Kaitlin seems to think that this kind of schedule is comparable to suicide, but Spencer thinks it's completely fine as long as I make time to study. I personally think I'll be alright... But I guess I'll just wait and see if any classes are even open by the time I register on Friday!

"I'm only closer and closer to where I want to be when You take over... Can You take over me?" -Aaron Shust

Bless Those Who Persecute You...

After only getting around 3 hours of sleep last night, my day consisted of a 3 1/2 hour nap after my morning classes. Later I went to ballet and had our final performance then to the gym with Kaitlin so we could work out a little bit. When I came home, I talked to my mom on the phone for quite awhile, and I think I complained enough to her in one night to make up for all the complaining she has missed out on since I moved out.

After eating dinner, I started to talk to my friend about a dillemma I'm in with what I want to do on Wednesday. It's my suitemate's birthday and everyone is going out to dinner... But I don't really want to go, plus it's the last night of Bible study for the whole semester. So I had to decide if I was going to A) lie to her and make up a reason for not going or B) go and be totally unhappy... Or this is what I thought my options were. After talking to Spencer and my Bible study leader, Shannon, they brought it to my attention that I shouldn't go unless I'm going to be joyful about it. Shannon also brought up something that we had gone over last week in Bible study... We each chose a command to try and follow through with this next week. Lucky for me, I chose "bless those who persecute you" and "do not seek revenge". So through that, we all came to the conclusion that I should go and be happy about it because it will show that I'm making an effort to be a good roommate despite the outside circumstances of the situation. Plus I'm going to try to leave early if that's possible... So that I can go to Bible study too. I hate and love, all at once, that Shannon and Spencer have the ability to turn things around on me and make me rethink things in that way. I have amazing friends who hold me accountable for my actions in the best way possible (:

Like hinges straining from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing... All that is within me cries, for You alone be glorified: Emmanuel, God with us. ♥

Long Weekend!

It is 1am and I have just finished my philosophy project... Man I can't wait for Christmas break! But anyways, this has been the longest weekend for some reason. Friday, after my classes were both cancelled, my grandparents came for the day. We had a good time walking around campus and looking around the shops in Santa Rosa; it was nice to spend time with them and just talk since we don't get to see each other all that often. That night, I went to First Friday at a church in Petaluma, In n Out afterwards, then back to my friend's room for awhile. The next morning I got up pretty early, went to brunch with Spencer, then headed out to a movie with him and a few other people. We ended up seeing 2012... It was a good movie, just extremely long and pretty unrealistic. That night, Kaitlin, Liz, and I went to to Amecis then to the basketball game... We lost. Later that night I went to Liz's room and we skyped with some of her friends and spent over an hour on stumbleupon.com looking at random websites until Spencer came over to walk me home (he's such a good friend!).

As for today, I woke up really early and headed over to the church for Sunday school. I only had two girls this morning, but we had a fun time talking and laughing about all sorts of things. We also went into the kindergarten-4th grade room and did worship with them and listened to a story teller, who even I thought was funny. It was amazing to see all the little kids singing worship songs and getting so excited about being at church... It was definitely the highlight of my day. After coming home and eating a quick bowl of cereal, I headed over to the library to work on a group project for philosophy... Following that little meeting was a looooong nap! Which is why I am just now finishing my part of the project. But I am hoping that the next 10 days go by quick so I can go home and be with friends and family! But as for the remainder of this semester, I'm going to be studying, writing papers, and keeping my fingers crossed for the getting the classes I want/need next semester!

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.♥

All Alone For Once...

After an amazing Bible study last night we were put to the challenge to choose one of the commandments from the scripture and apply it to our lives. With my frustration from certain roommates growing daily, Spencer suggested that I choose the one that says "bless those who persecute you". And after hearing what one of my roommates is going through with her homelife, it occured to me that things are NEVER as they seem. Sure people can put up a front and hide their pain, insecurities, and suffering with a smile or harsh words, but you never really know what's going on behind all of that. After hearing that and having a long conversation with Spencer, I just decided that maybe it would be easier for me to put the feelings of annoyance and dislike aside... Those feelings were just making it worse because every little thing that came out of her mouth was beginning to bug me.

It's not just that, but it's also that last night while at Bible study I said that sometimes we don't bless other people or it's easier for us to curse others because we forget that we are all God's children. When I was thinking about this after, I realized that I don't even practice that kind of patience in my own life... I never stop myself before getting angry and think, "this person I'm about to yell at, they are just as much one of God's children as I am". It's hard to believe, the way I've treated people in the past, or the things I've said about them. I think that patience is the number one thing I've struggled with in the past few months. College has really opened my eyes to the fact that there are going to be people throughout the course of my life that I don't get along with, so obviously patience is a pretty important thing to have.

As for tonight, I'm in my dorm, literally all alone. Every single one of my suitemates is gone tonight... One went to visit her boyfriend at another school and the other 4 are going to the farmhouse for a party. So I'm staying home tonight... And it's extremely quiet, something I'm not at all used to. But at the same time, it's kind of nice to be able to hear my own thoughts for once. Oh the joys of college (:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. -Romans 12:1-2

Who Do You Run To?

Tonight I saw a blog one of my friends posted on facebook; it was titled "Who do you run to?". It got me thinking about who I run to when things get tough... I know that I go straight to someone who will let me vent/complain/cry or whatever it is that I need to do. At the time, that may be a roommate, friend from school, friend from home, or one of my parents. But what happens when no one is in the dorm, my friends are in class, and I'm 4 hours from Clovis? Where can I run to then?

When things got difficult today and I wanted nothing more than to hop in my car and drive home, I found myself with nowhere to run and no one to run to. But that's just it... I didn't even have to run anywhere to find help, comfort, and someone to hold me when I needed it most. God never left, He is always there when I need Him most... So to answer the question simply, I don't run to anyone, I don't need to. He is here in my heart... no matter what state, city, or country I'm in He never leaves my side. He will go with me through the valleys and to the highest peaks of the mountains. God is still God in times of trouble... And even when it feels as if the world is crashing down around us, we can take comfort in knowing that He holds the plan for our lives in His hands. There may be pain, but God is SO much bigger than the sufferring we endure.

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. -Psalm 23:1-4

May angels lead you in Hercules♥

SO blessed

Thanksgiving break was amazing! I had a great time with my friends, family, pets, and at church! I spent a lot of time at home and of course ate way too much! I feel like winter break cannot come soon enough! It will be nice to have a whole six weeks off!

Over the course of the week I had so much time to sit and reflect on all of the things I have to be thankful for (I thought it was appropriate considering the holiday). I thought I would just name them off (: ...A family that has overcome so much yet still remains close and unbreakable. Parents that support me in everything I do. A God that loves me unconditionally and is ALWAYS there for me despite any circumstances, He goes with me through the valleys! An opportunity to go to college (away from home!) and get a great education. Wonderful friends that I have known most of my life; despite the problems we have faced, we still remain close and have a shared history full of memories that can't be replaced. Great new friends from school who are quick to love and slow to judge people. An amazing church in Fresno as well as a awesomely welcoming church in Santa Rosa. A car and food (those are pretty self explanitory). And last but definitely not least... Adorable, loving, and amazingly loyal pets(:

I am SO blessed to have each and every one of those things in my life! I thank God everyday for the amazing life I have and all of the opportunities I am presented with... It's so easy to take all of those things for granted, which is why it's nice and convenient that we have a holiday to remind us to be THANKFUL!

Before I left on Sunday we took some pictures of/with our sweet baby Herc. Poor guy is sick... Please keep him in your prayers! ♥










"So I close my eyes, and I kiss that frog... Each time finding, the more boys I meet, the more I love my dog" -Carrie Underwood

My favorite♥ I don't know if the caption on this picture is legible (I think the blog site downsized it when I put it on here) but it says: God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.


Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. -Romans 12:12

This Little Light of Mine (:

The countdown continues... 4 days until I come home!

Today I just went through my classes, got a midterm done with, then went to the caf for lunch with Sarah and Chloe. After lunch, I came home and ended up falling asleep on the couch for about 2 hours... And that's when Chloe woke me up to make shirts for the New Moon premiere tomorrow night. Later this afternoon, my friend Ross text me to tell me that he applied to SSU for the fall 2010 semester; it's crazy to think that a year ago I was just visiting the campus and applying to the school... Who knew that all this would lie ahead of me! But anyways... I had ballet class tonight too, but right before I left, we had a fire drill and our CSA was going crazy and running around our quad in a bright orange vest yelling at all of us to evacuate! Haha it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Tonight, instead of Bible study, we all got together with other Bible studies and made tie blankets for the people at the homeless shelter in Petaluma. As we were tying and cutting the blankets, we shared in fellowship and talked a lot about reaching out to people... Not just the homeless, but even just people on campus who don't know God's love. My Bible study leader, Matt, started telling a story about how he gave a homeless man his leftovers in San Francisco and then he ended up talking to him for a half hour about his faith, and he ended the conversation by praying for him. I was SO inspired by his story and it made me want to reach out to people even just around campus (I have to work my way up to talking to the homeless, since I don't exactly have the best track record with them). I just can't think of any reason why I wouldn't want to tell people about the love that I've found in such a good and soveriegn God. I just don't feel like holding back anymore or being scared about what people will think of me... He is the center of my life, so there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed. I think that's a good note to end the night on (:

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine... Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine ♥

Ready to go HOME!

I feel so overwhelmed by school work this week, and it's only Tuesday! I studied for a good two hours for my math midterm tomorrow, then after a short nap/dinner break I worked on my philosophy homework for a few hours AND my philosophy project for about an hour and a half. I am SO ready for break. I have less than a week then I'll be home with my dog on the couch, relaxing. Plus my AMAZING mom made me an appointment to get a facial and I'll hopefully get my haircut sometime over break and visit with my hair dresser that I miss so much! Clovis and just my home in general will be a nice change of pace after living on campus for almost three months straight. I just don't know how much more caf food, cold weather (it started pouring randomly tonight), drunk people out in the quad on Thursday nights, or homework/classes I can take! I have never felt like I have worked this hard before in my life, at least not at school work. My brain is on complete overload from all the studying, and over break (after navigating my way back home) I plan to turn off my brain for the week haha!

It will also be nice to have some time to myself at home. Here I feel like I'm ALWAYS surrounded by people, even if I'm in my room, I can still hear people all around me. It will be nice to have some silence next week and some time to really dig deep in my quiet times. I'll be able to spend my days not worrying about school, but hopefully drawing closer to God. It's going to be an amazing week I'm sure... It just can't come fast enough!

I'm trading my sorrows and I'm trading my shame... and I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord (:

Infinite Love

Today I was somewhat productive, I guess... I got my psych paper done, but it's not like I exactly had a choice since it is due tomorrow. But other than that, I had an uneventful day, till my room key flew off of my key ring while I was riding my bike and it landed somewhere in a bush. After searching for 20 minutes with Kaitlin in the 30 degree weather, I spoke to an angry lady at police services, who sent over a sweet police officer who was more than happy to unlock my door for me. But now I have to pay $20 to get a new card, why do I have such bad luck?! On the bright side, I'm one day closer to coming home! I can't wait to be back in Clovis and escape the freezing cold weather for a week! I also can't wait to spend time with my family, it will have been over 5 weeks since I've seem them last, so it will be nice to have some quality time together.

Now as my day comes to a close, I'm getting ready to spend quality time with someone who is always waiting for me. The time I spend with God, my quiet times, is the one time of day that I feel totally at peace and like I have nothing to worry about. I know that I can cast my fears on Him and He will hold my hand through everything I am facing. Who could ask for anything more than the unconditional love God shows us? I think I've realized lately that prayer is something I look forward to, love doing, and feel comfort from. It brings me this sense of hope and reassurance, knowing that my life is in His hands and He is ALWAYS there to listen to me and hold me in His arms when I need it. Who else is available to do that 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year... forever and ever, no one! I'm just in awe of God's unfailing, unwavering, and unending love tonight! ♥

Who am I that You are mindful of me, that You hear me when I call?
Is it true that You are thinking of me? How You love me... it's amazing

One More Week!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

This weekend I had Micaela and Chels staying with me; they came to visit for the weekend. Friday night we went to Ameci's with some of my friends then went to a game night that my friend Shannon and her roommates were holding in/outside of their dorm. Ninja, ultimate spoons, and great people made for a really fun night! The next day we went to Santa Rosa to go shopping, walked the campus, then went to Mary's and rented Up. This morning it was time for them to go home, and I really wished I could have gone with them! But just one more week till I can go home! I can't wait to be with my dog especially; poor little guy is slowing down... And I can't stand the fact that I'm so far away from him. I want to get home as soon as possible so I can lay with him and as much time with him as possible!

After church this morning, I finished watching Up, and if you have not seen that movie yet, you should! It is now one of my new favorite Disney movies! Tonight I was really productive and I got a lot of homework done. But throughout all the fun of this weekend, I realized by tonight that I had kind of neglected reading my Bible and having quiet times this whole weekend. And even now, it's already midnight and I'm just now getting ready for bed then I plan on reading my Bible. Making time for my quiet times and having my priorities in line is something I've been trying to work on lately, but it's hard when I have so many things planned and so much to do. But it's even harder for me to comprehend Isaiah when I'm extremely tired. I just don't want to say that God is such a big part of my life, but not live in a way that shows that. I feel so disconnected and distant from God when I miss a day of reading my Bible or I don't write in my prayer journal. It's so hard to find a balance, but that's my goal this week... To do my quiet times before homework and to really center my life around God. This should really be my goal everyday (:

The ways of this world are grabbing a hold; won't let me go, won't let me fly by. It takes it's toll down on my soul cause I know what I need in my life. Don't let me lose my sight of You.

Frustration!

The city was so amazing today! We did A LOT of walking, like a major amount, but it was still so fun. Spencer kind of needs to work on his navigating skills, but other than that we didn't have any problems. I didn't run into any scary homeless people and we didn't get harassed by any of the protester kind of people in front of Forever 21!

When I got home, it was about time for Bible study and James ended up coming early. So he and I got ourselves into shanningans as he likes to say. I cut a question mark out of duck tape and we stuck it to the signs on the building next to mine, which is Burgundy... So the sign read "Burgundy?"... as in "I'm Ron Burgundy?" (if you haven't seen Anchor Man then feel free to ask my brother what this means because I think he knows!). Then Bible studay tonight was out of Romans like always, but we talked a lot about how we all have unique gifts and we can't expect to always have the same gifts as everyone else, because we all work together for God, we are His body. I thought that was a good way of looking at it!

Since Bible study ended tonight, I've been in my room for the majority of the time... Trying to find some quiet away from my roommates. I love them all, but as time goes on I'm starting to see more and more just how different I am from them. It's hard for me to just sit and listen to some of their conversations... They're not the type of people I would turn to with a problem, and it sucks because I live with them. I know as a Christian I'm instructed to grow where I'm planted, but it's SO difficult. Sometimes I wish my roommates were all Christians, but at the same time I realize that I should be reaching out to them and not get trapped in the Christian bubble. I'm just sort of frustrated right now... And because it's so hard for me to hide my frustration, I am instead hiding in my bedroom until tomorrow. I cannot wait until Thanksgiving break.

There's a raging sea right in front of me, wants to pull me in bring me to my knees. So let the waters rise if You want them to... I will follow You.

Good Day (:

Today I was all over the place and spent hardly any time in my room. After a hilarious psych class (which included two students bringing their pets, a bulldog puppy and a cat to class, and my teacher calling a man his archnemesis and telling us that he would "cut him" if he got the chance), I met the girls at the caf for lunch. Later on, Liz and I stopped by the Childrens School to tell the manager we were still interested in getting jobs then we headed over to the duck pond. This week is prayer week at Sonoma State and each day they have different activities, today was intercessory prayer. We prayed for people on campus, locally, and globally they may not have asked for prayer but need it. It was nice because we got to look out over the pond and they had candles lit, but then James decided to chase a herd of ducks which kind of killed the silent calming mood haha. Liz and I then went back to her room and hung out. We skyped with her boyfriend until Jenna came back from class. Then I had to meet up with some people from my philosophy class to work on a project, and when that was over it was back to the caf for dinner and onto Safeway with Kaitlin and Spencer! Spencer and I then went back to his room and made a cake for our friend Kali's birthday that we're celebrating and Bible study tomorrow!

I am extremely excited because all classes are canceled tomorrow due to Veterans Day (YES!) so I get to go to the city! I haven't been in forever and I am so excited! I know tomorrow will be a good day, I can already tell (:

"Come, ye sinners, poor and needy, weak and wounded, sick and sore; Jesus ready stands to save you, full of pity, love and power."
I love this song because of the part that says "Jesus ready stands to save you".... I love that idea that He stands waiting for us, always ready with arms wide open. His love amazes me (:

How Much Longer?

Today seemed to drag on SO slow, yet the end of the day/night seemed to fly by, if that makes sense at all. I had classes this morning, met up with the girls for lunch, then came home and finished the book I've been reading for the past week. After a short nap, I felt motivated to hit the gym... So I went and ran about a mile on the track then went straight to ballet. After ballet I raced home to change really quick then meet up with Spencer for dinner in the caf. The food was surprisingly good tonight (lasagna and salad) and I had a good time talking with Spencer. For some reason I just wanted to be alone for the majority of the day, which is why I read and stayed in my room then went to the gym alone. But once I met up with Spencer I felt like it was a good escape because he's such a good listener and he understands where I'm coming from on a lot of things because he's a Christian. After dinner with him, I was in a better mood so I came home and spent some time with my roommates before doing my homework.

All day today I have been listening to the same playlist of songs over and over again and I think they're making me more and more ready to come home... They're songs like "Cinderella" and "Temporary Home". Then after talking to one of my friends tonight, I realized I hadn't been home in about a month, let alone seen my parents! That's just crazy to me... I cannot wait to be home for a week and sleep in my bed with my kitty. I miss eating dinner with my parents and laying on the couch with them at night... It's the little things I miss, more than just them cooking and cleaning for me. Only about 2 more weeks to go! (:

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. -Ephesians 3:18 ♥

Amazing Weekend (:

So I had a fun and very busy last three days! Friday I had two classes and between them I met with Kaitlin for breakfast, then after I met with Matt (Bible study leader) for lunch. We had a nice little conversation and had a good time hanging out with each other and just getting to know one another. Then after coming home for a little bit, my friend James came over and we walked to Starbucks and talked for a few hours. He pretty much told me his life story, which I loved because after I felt like I knew him so much better than before! After he walked me home, I met up with my friend Spencer for dinner in the caf, and then me, Spencer, James, Jack, and Kathy all went to an amazing worship service in Petaluma called First Friday then went to In N Out after. That was probably one of the best days I've had since moving up here!

Saturday, Chloe and I had friends visit from Monterey, Lindsey and Caylee. Each of the girls we know from our hometowns and they just happen to be friends from college too! So we took them to Mary's Pizza Shack in Santa Rosa... Where I ran into the creepiest man who had dread locks from his beard and his head. He told me my shirt looked like Where's Waldo... Needless to say I freaked out and ran to my friends. Why do I attract all the weirdos?! Anyways, after that we went to see The Box (possibly one of the weirdest movies ever). Then we came home, talked, and fell asleep pretty late.

Today I volunteered at church with the preteens then I headed home and hung out for a few more hours till the girls had to head home. Then Kaitlin, Chloe, and Chelsea decided to go to Bodega Bay. I didn't feel like going so I stayed home, read, and took a nap. When I woke up I had a text from Spencer asking me to go to church with him in Petaluma. So I got ready super quick and we met up with his friend Janelle who drove us. That church reminded me SO much of The Well... I cannot wait to come home now! But after service, Spencer walked me to my room and he ended up staying and we talked for about an hour and a half while watching TV on and off with Chloe. I feel like he's a really easy person to talk to... It's nice to know that I'm making genuine and reliable friends here. It's hard when you have to start over and it's not like home anymore, where you've known your friends forever and you have a shared past. Now I have to ask more questions and listen closer when people tell me about themselves. But I must say that I am blessed to be meeting such amazing people here (:

"Here in this place, Jesus right here and now... I lift my hands as my knees start to bow. Carry me away, carry me away Lord"

Forgiveness

Today was a fairly easy day since I only had one class and I was out by noon. After that I met up with the girls for lunch then hung out in Liz and Jenna's room for most of the afternoon. We just laid around and talked which was nice since it was pretty relaxing. Later in the afternoon I met up with my friend/Bible study leader, Shannon, and went to Starbucks for a little bit. She is possibly one of the sweetest people I know! After we walked back, I had dinner at home with everyone then I went to Nexus!

Tonight we watched a skit done to the song "everything" by Lifehouse and it was SO good! If you have not seen it before then search it out on youtube! People from our school acted it out tonight and it gave me chills, it was that good! After the skit, we listened to the speaker talk on forgiveness. It just struck a chord in my heart when he brought up the fact that Jesus forgives us for our immeasurable amount of sin, yet we let things root deep down inside of us and we hold onto grudges without even giving forgiveness a second thought. He explained that forgiveness is often a sensitive thing because it is the person who was hurt giving something back to the person who hurt them. That is such a hard thing for me to do. I think it always has been, but not just with little things that have happened, more of big things. I find it hard to forgive, but the speaker tonight has caused me to rethink that. He encouraged us to go talk to those who have hurt us and forgive them, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable we feel. If Jesus can die for our forgiveness then how is it that we hold onto things that seem so minuscule in comparison?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest. You hold me in your hands, You won't let me fall. You steal my heart, and You take my breath away... Would you take me in? Take me deeper now♥

The Hub of My Life

After getting my morning classes out of the way, I came home to eat lunch and just relax for a little bit. While I was laying on my bed, I decided to watch a sermon from The Well online since I've missed it for the past two weeks. Continuing on in Nehemiah and the subjects of having a "holy discontent" (an issue God puts on your heart that you feel completely passionate about), I found some interesting thoughts in what Pastor Brad was saying. He talked about how along with going public about this holy discontent, you will experience persecution and criticism for what you are doing because no one will understand what you are doing like you do. In addition to that, they are not persecuting you, but instead the plan God has for you and your obedience. I feel like lately I have been feeling this from different areas of my life, a disagreeance in the choices I've been making... But I'm not worried because I am making those decisions with prayer and in line with God's plan for my life.

This all connects back to what I learned at Trilogy this weekend. We filled out a paper with a wheel on it. Each of the spokes represented different aspects of your life that you care about (family, friends, money, education, etc) and then there was a hub in the center. As I filled it out, I put Jesus at the center, not because I believe that I always put Jesus at the center of everything I do, but because I know that that is something I strive to do and would like to see happen. That meant that Jesus was at the center of my ambitions; He has taken my ambitions and changed them over the past few months and I have tried to be as obedient as possible. And why should I put my needs or myself at the center of my wheel? A wheel puts a lot of pressure and has its major stress point at the hub. If your hub is wobbly or not strong enough to support all other aspects of your life, then how can you keep moving straight down a path without veering into the unknown or breaking down? With Jesus as my hub, I don't have to worry about the persecution I may face because I know that He is leading me in the right direction. What is at the hub of your life?

"Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art" -Be Thou My Vision

Furlough Day!

Thank goodness for those much needed furlough days! I didn't have class this morning so I slept in until 11 (I haven't slept past 9 since Labor Day weekend!) then had a lazy morning. I got all my laundry done, had a relaxing lunch at home, and worked on my homework. Between doing a million loads of laundry, sitting at my desk half the day, and feeling like I was getting a much needed day off, I couldn't help but laugh about how "grown up" this all felt! I don't think I ever realized the importance of a lazy day until today! It was nice though to have a day to myself since I feel like all I've been doing lately is going nonstop. I've been working on homework, helping at church, studying, going to class, or some other sort of activity and I haven't really had the time to just sit back and relax for a second. I LOVE having a busy life and I feel so blessed to be going to college, have a great church to help at and attend, and have great friends that are always asking me to hang out... But it just wares me down sometimes.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break and spending time with my family. I miss seeing them everyday! It will be nice to go home for more than 2 days at a time and be able to eat some real food! I plan on spending an extreme amount of time on the couch with my pugglet and kitty cat while watching everything on the dvr that I've been missing out on! I can't wait! I also CANNOT believe that this semseter is going by so quick! It's already November and I have my second round of midterms coming up... Where has the time gone?! It was just about 2 1/2 months ago that I was completely freaking out about moving away from home and going to school and now I can't even imagine my life any different! It's crazy how quickly things change!

Trilogy Pictures!
The lake where we did quiet time every morning.. and some amazing friends!

Kaitlin and I... I love this girl! She helps me keep a good attitude and clear head with everything!

Chloe! Roomie love ♥ don't know where I'd be without her!

Oh goodness... Liz wanted to take a "prom picture"! Haha, she's so amazing... accountability partner, fishing buddy, best friend, germaphob... the list goes on and on (:

Some of the guys from my AMAZING Bible study... They're the best!

Just a glimpse of the 500 people worshiping and surrounded by God's love (:

"Name above all names, You are Worthy of all praise... And My heart will sing how great is our God" ♥


PS... There's more pictures on my facebook... just copy and paste this link into your browser!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2020904&id=1285520328&l=1d07ab410f

Trilogy

I could go on forever about how amazing this weekend was! I attended a conference in Challenge (the middle of nowhere northern California) with about 500 college students who are all involved in Intervarsity. We stayed at a little camp in cute little cabins. Depending on your year, you were split up into different tracks for the whole weekend. I was in "disciples on campus" and we listened to some pretty awesome speakers. They opened my eyes to so many different things in my life. They talked about what is at the center of our life, how we can witness on campus, and why we should witness in a community. After each of the talks we would meet with a "small group" which was pretty much 4 other girls who go to your school, and you would reflect on everything you learned. There were lots of tears and deep moments shared over the course of the weekend, along with a crazy dance party Friday night!

Last night, all of the students came together for an hour and a half of worship... And can I just say that I have NEVER experienced anything like that in my life. Not only was the band great, but just seeing 500 college students dancing, singing, praying, and just being SO on fire for God was enough to take my breath away. I have been more happy over the last few days than I have in what feels like forever. I met so many new people and formed some amazing friendships. I feel like I am no longer afraid or ashamed to talk to people about Jesus or to build relationships with people who don't believe. This weekend has taught me the importance of quiet time with God. Every morning we would spend a half hour by the lake reading our Bibles and reflecting on the passages in prayer. It was amazing, and it's something I want to do everyday! This conference was such a good experience for not only myself, but my friends too. Last night before worship Chloe was really emotional, and we had had a conversation earlier in the evening about where she was in her walk with God... She told me that she had never invited Jesus into her life and really accepted Him as her Lord and Savior. But after our last session of the night she came over with tears in her eyes and said, "I'm ready"... I was SO happy for her!

I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to go to Trilogy this weekend, and I could not be more excited to go to Urbana and to see the incredible plans God has for my life!

I never knew I could be so happy, and I never knew I'd be so secure. Because of your love, life has brand new meaning... It's gonna be a brighter day, brighter day (:

Pumpkins and Cacti.. Cactuses? (:

Today was spent relaxing, running errands, and spending time with my suitemates. Chloe and I made a trip to Target to get pumpkins for everyone. While I was there I fell in love with an adorable red and yellow baby cactus... It was only $2, so I adopted him. Chloe named him Ronaldo, he's so cute! This evening we went to dinner with Brittney, Rachel, and Danyale in the caf then we came home to start our pumpkin carving! We all tried to make our pumpkins look unique and they all turned out pretty funny! I'll put pictures up soon!

I still have yet to pack for Trilogy tomorrow, but I will after my 8am class. I am beyond excited for this weekend. I have my costume all ready for the halloween dance tomorrow night (I'm going to be a snowflake) and I can't wait to meet new people from all the different schools! My friend James has told me time and time again that he has not been to a conference yet where God hasn't worked in the lives and hearts of all the people who attend. I'm excited and anxious to see how God is going to work in my heart this weekend. It's my prayer that my friends will keep an open mind and open heart this weekend and we will all come out with a reignited fire for God in our hearts! I can't wait for this weekend! (:

I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough. With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above... For as long as I shall live I will testify to love!

Letting in the Light

Sometimes I feel like it's so hard to relate to people that don't share my same beliefs, morals, and may not be at the same place in their walk with God as I am. Not to say that I don't respect everyone else's opinions, I just found myself getting so frustrated with some of the people around me who don't value the same things or hold the same priorities as I do. It was definitely a reality check in the way that I am reminded that not everyone is going to think or act exactly like me, in fact it may be a very small group of people who I find that I can relate to.

I know that in this world I'm going to be surrounded by people who don't believe in God or don't know Jesus, but it's just so hard when I want everyone to see the world like I do. That sounds so incredibly selfish and conceited, but I definitely don't mean it that way at all... It's just that I have this light in my life that wasn't always necessarily there and it's hard for me to understand why not everyone would want to have this same light in their lives, the light that brings me so much joy. But I have heard it said before that sometimes it's like we're caught in a dark room, you can't just throw open a door or a window and expect someone to be able to see clearly because they'll be blinded; you have to slowly let in individual rays of light and see how they respond.

I guess it's just frustrating because I feel like over the past year my life has changed in such a dramatic way. My priorities have been turned upside down and reorganized in a good way and the way I'm living right now is nothing like I was this time last year. It's just hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I changed so much over the past 12 months from this light in my life, yet there's people in my life who are still trapped in those dark rooms, not accepting even the smallest ray of light. Yet at the same time, I understand that they are all at different parts of their walk... It's just hard when I believe so strongly in God and the joy I've found in Him. Maybe this weekend will help me to figure all this out.

And that right there, is exactly what Bible study does to me! Makes me rethink my life and the things around me... It's a good and bad thing all wrapped in one.

All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with Your love, and all I have in You is more than enough♥

All Grown Up?

After making it through my four hour psych class this morning, I came home exhausted and decided to skip going to lunch with the girls so I could sleep. When I woke up an hour later, I was hungry but realized that I had pretty much no food in the pantry. Chloe and I made our way over to Target so I could pick up some milk, yogurt, and other snacks. It wasn't really all that fun having to hunt for things that weren't outrageously priced. It made me think about how much I took living at home for granted. I never had to worry about if there was going to be food in the house or what I would eat for dinner because my mom always took care of it. It just seemed so weird to me today that I was going through the check out line with a cart full of groceries without my mom there to pay for everything! I can't even imagine how weird it is going to be when I'm out of college and COMPLETELY moved out of my parents house and I'm going grocery shopping with my husband or something. It makes me feel all grown up doing all the shopping for myself (except for the fact that I'm not paying for any of it ha).

The grocery shopping experience along with my little burst of cleaning tonight was a little reminder of how much I'm on my own and how much I've matured over the last few months. I took out the trash tonight and completely cleaned my bathroom. I also cleaned my room and organized my desk. Two months ago I would have NEVER cleaned my bathroom just because it was messy (keep in mind that I shared a bathroom with my brother!) and I definitely was not assigned a day to take out the trash at home! I guess I've just figured out since being here that if I want something done, then I'm going to have to do it myself... That's the only way it will get done. After being SO excited to grow up and get married, I think I can wait on the whole being responsible for a household and all that for a few more years (:

"Give me Your eyes for just one second; give me Your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing. Give me Your love for humanity. Give me Your arms for the broken hearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten... Give me Your eyes so I can see" -Brandon Heath

Love Letters

"Wait on me, My princess. My timing is always perfect. I know you're anxious about many things, and I see the passion for all the plans I have put in your heart. I know that you long to fly, and I see your enthusiasm. However, just as vinedresser nurtures the vine and waits patiently for the right moment to harvest the grapes, so am I working tirelessly to prepare you to bear much fruit. Don't run ahead of me or try to fly before My plans are complete. Your strength will fail you and your dreams will wither away. Trust Me that My dreams for you are greater than you can dream on your own. You will run farther and soar higher if you will patiently wait for the season of My blessing. Draw close to me now, and I promise that this season of waiting will bring the sweetest of rewards.
Love,
Your King and Lord of perfect timings"

This is from a book of devotionals and "love letters" that I bought today from the Christian bookstore. I felt like that letter in particular matched exactly how I've been feeling lately. It's hard to be patient when all I want to do is dive into my future and get on with the rest of my life already. I wish I could just jump ahead 5 years from now! Tonight I even found myself wishing I could jump ahead a year just to get away from one girl in particular that just really rubs me the wrong way. I'm praying that I will have the patience to deal with her conflicting personality and ultimately show God's love to her through my actions, despite the way I feel about her. Following God and what I know He wants me to do with my life or how He wants me to act can be so challenging sometimes.

Aside from going to the Christian bookstore today, I mostly just hung out with Chloe and Kaitlin and then went out to dinner tonight for my suitemate's birthday. We went out to sushi with all her friends then came back and everyone had cake. Today was mostly just a laid back sort of day... I didn't have a lot to do, and I wasn't very productive either, haha! But I'm just counting down the days until I leave for Trilogy on Friday! It will be so nice to get away!

But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:31

Part of the Journey

This weekend revolved around church and girls' nights for me. I went back and forth to New Vintage all weeekend for meetings and church services. Then Friday and Saturday night I hung out with some of my favorite girls, watched movies, had girl talk, and played lots of board games. It was nice to have a weekend with the girls and to just relax with them.

Today, for some reason, I missed being home so much. I wanted nothing more than to be back in Clovis for the night and to see my family and friends. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day, it's just still an adjustment for me to not see everyone everyday like I did for more than half my life. I think that the mini conference I'm going to in Woodleaf this weekend will be good for me. I need to spend some time with God this week to just reflect and pray about where my life is going and just following His plan for my life. That's really been my goal for myself lately... To quiet my heart and my needs so that I can hear His plans for my life and where He wants me to be. I know that I'm here at school for a reason, that I chose Sonoma because it was part of His plan... That thought right there helps me to remember that even though I'm homesick, this is just all part of my journey.

"I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord and I am hopeful. I'm waiting on You, Lord though it is painful... But patiently, I will wait" -John Waller

Delight Yourself in the Lord

Aside from homework, Nexus has been the most exciting thing for me this week. The speaker was a girl who graduated from SSU this past year and she spoke about what kind of soil we are. This came out of Mark and I loved it; she really inspired me to let my faith get deep down into my heart. I think it really goes with what I've kind of been struggling with for the last few months, trusting in God's plan. I think I'm just so anxious sometimes to get things done my way on my time that I forget that He has it all planned out for me. I keep telling Chloe and Kaitlin that I'm SO tired of dating and I just want to find "the one" already, but I'm making a true effort to be patient and not just settle. Liz and I have conversations about this all the time and how I should know that God will bring someone into my life when the time is right. And no, this is not me complaining about being single... It's me being impatient about finding out who I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with! But I got so excited when I was talking to my mom the other day; she told me about how she was laying in bed and started to wonder what fabulous guy God had lined up for me to marry. It just reminded me that all this WILL be worth the wait. I know that I'm doing the best thing for myself right now by not dating so that I can focus on God and His plan instead of trying to force my own plans to work. Sometimes faith can be such a hard thing for me.... But I'm doing my best and I know that if I delight myself in the Lord then He will give me the desires of my heart (:

Take this world from me, I don't need it anymore. I am finally free... My heart is spoken for. Oh and I praise You, oh and I worship You. Covered by Your love divine, child of the risen Lord. To hear You say "This one's mine"... My heart is spoken for.
-Mercyme

Have Patience

After my two classes this morning, I went to the caf for lunch with Kaitlin and Chloe and had salad, a few fries, and a tiny bit of frozen yogurt. For some reason when I got home I started to feel really sick and so did Kaitlin. So we spent the rest of the day with some weird sort of food poisoning or something. It was NOT fun! But I woke up just in time for James to come over so we could hang out along with Chloe until everyone came over for Bible study. I also skyped with my parents and told them an amazing joke that Liz told me about a singing cookie... If you don't know this joke then seriously ask one of my parents about it! They would be happy to tell you!

This semester in Bible study we're going through the book of Romans and tonight it was especially confusing. I know that the book was written forever and a half ago, but I had no idea what Paul was saying in the verses we read tonight. I feel like I asked so many questions, but in the end it was SO worth it. It was all about being prisoners to sin, but knowing in our minds that we are saved through Christ. After we were done, I had a nice conversation with Spencer (he's also a freshman and lives in a building near mine) about having patience. When our Bible study leader tonight asked for prayer requests, I asked that I could have patience and remember to show God's love even to people that I don't particularly like. He told me he was really struggling with this too, so it was nice for me to know that I wasn't the only one going through it. We kind of offered each other support and it helped just knowing that my whole Bible study knew exactly how it was to struggle with that type of thing (:

So I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all. So I’ll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered...All I am is Yours ♥

Let My Heart Get So Lost...

Today was a pretty laid back day since I only had one class this morning and he let us out over an hour early. I went to Charlie Brown's with Chloe and Kaitlin, the store with Chloe and Brittney, and the gym with Kaitlin. Kaitlin and I have been trying to go to the gym everyday and run the track on top of eating healthy. But eating healthy kind of went downhill tonight when we went upstairs to hang out with the girls that live above us; they made monkey munch and it was DELICIOUS! We sat around in a circle and played catchphrase and watched The Hills. After a little while some of the girls went to bed, so the other girls started talking about playing with a ouija board. I decided not to play because I was extremely freaked out and I don't think I really believe in it... So Kaitlin and I sat back and watched. I was so scared by the end of it and Kaitlin was crying because she was so freaked out by it. Chloe is sleeping in my room tonight and so is our friend Destiny because we are all too scared to sleep alone now! That is the first and last time I will ever sit in a room with a ouija board; I just kept reassuring myself that God will protect me! Tonight is going to be a long night....

On a happier note, the girls and I are signing up to go on a retreat with Intervarsity on Halloween weekend. We get to stay in cabins and meet up with other Intervarsity people from northern California... We're all expecting to have a really good time! I'm excited to see God work in all of our lives... I just can't wait to see what He does in my life and the lives of the people closest to me this year!

A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him to find her. ♥
I love this quote... It really reminds me that if I trust in His plan for my life then he will take care of everything (:

No Class Today!

I am happy to report that I got 11 hours of sleep last night AND my only class today was cancelled! So I got to spend the day with Kaitlin and Liz doing laundry and working out. We went to the rec center and ran the indoor track then went to one of the open rooms upstairs and we danced for awhile... It was so fun! Tonight I just relaxed and watched some shows I missed on Hulu while Kaitlin watched the Chargers game. It's been an easy and pretty uneventful day.

I've decided to get myself into a new night time routine where I read my Bible every night. I used to read my Bible often but not every night, and it seems like since coming to school I've kind of put it on the back burner. I figured that if I got into a better routine then I would be more likely to read it every night. I really feel like I should be spending more time in the word and just growing closer to God. It's hard with all the craziness here, but when I really stop to think about it, I know that He should be the center of my life, always. I just have to stick with that same mindset everyday instead of letting myself forget.


"I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, or meander in the maze of mediocrity."

Clovis... or Fresno?

This weekend I played tour guide for Liz, Chloe, and Kaitlin when they came home with me for the weekend. I took them to a Clovis High football game, Ooh Lala, Yodiggity, and Doghouse which pretty much covered some of my favorite places. The entire time we were in town Liz would ask me if we were in Clovis or Fresno wherever we stopped; I thought it was really funny because it just seems so obvious to me since I lived there for so long. Then last night we went to the fair for a little while... The girls were pretty surprised by the beautiful area of Fresno where the fair grounds are located (ha!). Liz was kind of freaked out, but I reassured her that we were in FRESNO and not Clovis so that she doesn't feel like she has to sleep with one eye open when she's at my house!

This morning, after a good breakfast with my parents, we all went to The Well for the 11 o'clock service. I was happy to be back there, even if we were watching a video of one of the pastors instead of a live person. Plus the worship was really good today! After church we headed to Modesto to have lunch with Liz's family, and right after that we drove straight back to Rohnert Park... Needless to say, I am exhausted!

Despite the long and exciting weekend, the service this morning along with an interesting conversation I had with the girls last night, really got me thinking about how diverse of a world we live in. Even just between us four girls, we had such a difference of opinions on different issues... It's hard for me to wrap my mind around other people's point of views on issues that I'm passionate about. I also feel like I just want to reach out to so many people here at school and share God's love with them. But at the same time, I know that obviously not everyone shares my beliefs and I respect others' opinions, but I guess because I grew up with friends who have almost always attended church, it's weird for me to think that some of my friends here have never gone to church before this year. It's not like I want to go stand out in the quad on campus and preach to the students of Sonoma State or anything, I just feel like if I can just show God's love through my actions to everyone I encounter (which doesn't neccessarily mean I'm going to sit down and have an intense conversation with them about Jesus) then I would be serving in a way pleasing to God. This was all a lot for me to get through my head... So there will probably be more to come on this (:

I'm the one with big mistakes, big regrets, and bigger breaks than I ever care to confess. Oh but, You're the one who looks at me and sees what I was meant to be... More than just a beautiful mess

Midnight Madness...

The last two days have been really uneventful. I had Bible study last night that quickly turned into an interpretive dance party after we finished with our scripture for the night. The boys turned on music from Aladdin and danced with each other around our front room. Then I sat on our air mattress that we've had set out for the last week, and they would jump on it to make me bounce... It was pretty entertaining! After that, Chloe and I had a nice little heart to heart talk and just hung out for awhile.

Today I only had one class then I went to lunch at The Pub with Liz and Kaitlin. After lunch I came home and finished my math homework while watching Pretty in Pink. This evening Chloe, Liz, Kaitlin, Jenna, and I went to the caf for dinner... It was Mexican food night, SO gross! Then it was time for Nexus; the worship tonight was amazing! And at the end of the service, the speaker gave us each a one dollar bill to use to spread the love from the Kingdom of God this week. I'm interested to see what opportunity I will be presented with to use this dollar. Right after Nexus we headed over to the gym for Midnight Madness, which is pretty much a night time college rally. It was really fun; I never realized how many cute guys are one the sports teams (: needless to say I will be going to a lot more basketball, baseball, soccer,tennis, and even golf matches this year than I ever have before haha! But pretty much tonight was just like a CHS rally, except you know you're not in high school anymore when the audience scavenger hunt includes looking for a condom, tongue ring, and a foot tattoo. We all laughed pretty hard at that one.

Now I'm just getting my stuff together to go home tomorrow with Kaitlin, Liz, and Chloe. I'm excited to show them around Clovis and take them to the BIG Fresno Fair! I'm even more excited to take them to The Well with me on Sunday! It's gonna be a good weekend (:

Take my life and let it be all for You and for Your glory; take my life and let it be Yours ♥

Leaky Ceilings..

So before I start in about my day, I would just like to say that my ceiling is leaking literally right above my bed. :( the ceiling is all squishy, so I went upstairs to talk to the girl above me; come to find out that her bathroom isn't even what's causing the leak; it's the stupid rain water coming in from outside! I'm not sure how that's even possible, but the maintenance guys are coming tomorrow to fix it! Until then my furniture is all moved around in weird places so I don't wake up soaked. I HATE the rain today!

I think it rained as much today in Rohnert Park as it does in one year in Clovis... Like seriously, no joke, it poured for the majority of the day! I wore my rainboots and used my clear and barbie pink umbrella to make it out to my car so I could drive to psych this morning. When I got to psych, my professor handed back our first "discussion papers" where we had to present an argument and support it. I got mine back and I managed to get a 10/10 (which is apparently unheard of in psych classes, especially for freshmen) and he included a note on my paper that said, "Erika. Wow. Wow again. This is very impressive. Did you say you were a first year? If so, I'm REALLY impressed" ...He also asked me to send him a copy of my paper so he could use it as an example of an "A" paper in the future. That right there made my day!

So needless to say, I called my mom after class to tell her the good news! We got to talking about how much I like my psych class and how I had mentioned a few weeks ago that I may want to switch my major to psychology, and she gave me the support I needed today through our little phone conversation. Hearing her say that this was my life and it is my decision really gave me the reassurance I needed. I feel so passionately about helping other people and hopefully using my degree to have a career in ministry. I have been praying about this for the past couple months, and I just feel like this is something that God has really put on my heart... And I'm excited to see what He has planned for me and how He will use me in the future! I'm definitely trusting in His plan and really trying to follow Him right now, even though the future may be uncertain and seem a little scary at the moment, I'm not worried (:

"Be strong in the LORD and never give up hope. You're going to do great things, I already know. God's got His hand on you so don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget, but don't forget why you're here. Take your time and pray." -Sidewalk Prophets

Rain Rain, Go AWAY!!

It was SO cold the whole day today! I was pretty upset when I had to walk to philosophy this morning when it was only around 40 degrees outside. But when I got there I received the best news ever! Drum roll please!... I don't have philosophy until next Wednesday! Which means that I can sleep in Wednesday, Friday, and next Monday! I was so excited; it definitely made up for the stupid weather! Then (my day just keeps getting better and better) I went to math and he handed back our midterms; I got a 96 out of 100 on my first college midterm! I was so excited, I took a picture of my test and sent it to both my parents (:

After class, Kaitlin, Chloe, and I went to lunch then to Target. There, I rewarded myself with a pair of rainboots, and I'm sure that if my mom saw me in them she would give me that look that she always does when she doesn't like something that I like, and she would say, "Interesting... Well you're the one wearing them, but personally I wouldn't leave the house in those" haha good thing she doesn't have to see me in them! But I really did need them because the stupid rain came in tonight! Good thing I'm prepared!

So altogether, today was pretty productive, and I even got to start reading a new book about what it means to really be a Christian... I can already tell I'm going to enjoy this book. Within the first 40 pages it's already made me think a lot about the way I live. Then coincidentally I heard the song "The Motions" by Matthew West today, which just made me realize that much more that I don't want to be sideline Christian. I want to live my life fully for God, not just on Sundays. So that's my goal this week... to remember to glorify God in everything I do and to come to Him in prayer with every decision I make (:

"I don't want to spend my whole life asking, what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions?" -Matthew West

Parents Weekend

So after getting more sleep than I have in the last 8 weeks, I was finally feeling better and my parents were in town for parents weekend. Friday night after they brought me some much needed groceries, we went over to Mary's Pizza Shack (best pizza in Sonoma County, fyi) and had pizza and pesto breadsticks. Then I managed to sneak in a quick trip to Target. Somewhere in there my parents realized that I am not kidding when I say it's FREEZING here, so they bought me an electric blanket (YAY!). Saturday was filled with random little adventures... From bike stores and the mall, to model homes and furniture shopping; we finished off our day with dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Santa Rosa with Jenna, Liz, and their parents. This morning my parents went to church while I volunteered then we all went to dim sum.

After breakfast I had to say goodbye to my parents, and even though I know I'm going to see them next weekend, it was really sad knowing they were going home without me. I don't know why it was so weird because I really haven't been living with them for the last 2 months, but I guess it's one of those things that I'll never really get used to until I move out for good. For now I'm still the type of girl who has to call her mom more than once a day and still wants to be filled in on everything at home; at this point I really don't see that changing anytime soon. Even after what has seemed like forever, I miss home... Obviously not enough to pack up right now and transfer to Fresno State (NO WAY!!). I love it here, but nothing beats home (:

Sick at College... No Fun :(

So the last 3 days I managed to get some sort of head cold that started with a sore throat. All I've wanted to do is sleep, so that is exactly what I did last night. I took some niquil and slept for 12 hours straight... It was so nice! But my excitement was ruined this morning when I woke up feeling worse than I did last night. Plus, I had to miss Nexus last night and half of Private Practice. Being sick here seriously sucks, but it's a good thing that I have amazing friends who have been taking care of me! Also, my mom and dad are coming today which will be good; my mom can make me miso soup just like when I would get sick at home. Pretty much all I'm going to try and do this weekend is relax and get better. I just love having the worst immune system in the world.

Productive Day

Tuesdays are one of my favorite days of the week for a few reasons: 1. I only have one class 2. That class is psychology which happens to be my favorite and 3. I have from noon on to get whatever I need to get done finished. Today I managed to study for my math midterm for a couple hours, take an hour nap, finish my philosophy homework, and start a new book. It was a majorly productive day!

And yes, I FINALLY finished The Shack (I've been attempting to finish that book for the last 3 months). I stayed up an extra hour last night to finish it, but it was so worth it! I didn't think any book could really captivate me as much as the Twilight Saga did, but I was extremely wrong. The Shack is an amazing book... It really causes you to think about things from a different perspective and to evaluate the way you're living. Now I know why literally everyone I know has read it!

This evening has been pretty uneventful; I just hung out with my suitemates and then studied a little more. I plan on going to bed early tonight so that I can fully concentrate on my midterm tomorrow. I don't know why, but no matter how much I sleep lately, it is impossible for me to catch up on sleep! I am exhausted by the time I actually get to sleep, yet I'm still tired enough throughout the day to take a nap. My sleeping schedule is all messed up! Just one of the many perks of being in college I guess (:

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading." -Oswald Chambers

PS.. Here is the link to the video for Urbana, the missions conference I'm going to be attending in St. Louis at the end of December... Needless to say, I am BEYOND excited!
http://www.urbana09.org/inviteothers.video.summary.cfm

I honestly don't have very much to talk about from my day today because most of it was spent sleeping. I feel like I've only been getting four to five hours of sleep every night for the past couple weeks, and even when I went home I didn't really make up for any of my lost sleep. So today after my classes and lunch, I came home, laid down with the book I have been trying to finish for the last 3 months, and I just relaxed until I fell asleep about 5 minutes later. I only meant to take maybe an hour nap at the most, but I slept for about 3 hours instead. I felt so much better when I woke up; especially because I was in such an odd mood today. I felt like I was on the verge of tears the whole day but for no reason in particular. I guess it was just one of those weird emotional days.

I did, however, kind of a have a small eye opening moment this evening. I was talking to one of my suitemates about how we feel about the school and our work loads, and I was extremely surprised to find out that up until this last week she has been feeling out of place and extremely homesick. While she is not exactly someone that I "click with" I couldn't help but feel bad. I didn't realize that she felt like this; she seemed so well adjusted to everything within the first 2 days of moving in.

This just got me thinking about how lucky I feel to be so comfortable when I am over 200 miles away from home. Yes there have been times that I've struggled with being here and being so far away from my family, especially my mom, but I also feel like this has become my home away from home. I prayed for so long before coming here that everything would turn out right in the end and that I was making the right decision by coming here. I was so nervous, but it's just crazy how blessed I am... God provided me with a church, Christian friends, a Bible study, girls I can go to for advice and I look up to so much, and also family friends close by that I can call if I am having trouble. Looking back on it now, I can't believe I was so worried.

"You are everything that I live for, everything that I can't believe is happening... You're standing right in front of me, with arms wide open; all I know is everyday is filled with hope"

What is Love?

The last four days have been so crazy for me. Thursday I spent all day and night revising my 15 page paper for philosophy and studying for a math quiz. I was so tired by the time I finally got to bed. Friday I went to my classes then I drove home with Kaitlin and we dropped off Liz and Jenna in Modesto on the way. Over the weekend Kaitlin and I went "sight seeing" in Clovis and Fresno (not that there's a whole lot of exciting stuff to see). I mostly just took her to my favorite places to shop and eat. We had a lot of fun driving around and I told her so many stories about each place we visited. It's funny how many good memories I have of my hometown; as much as I complain about how much I hate it there, it's been my home for so long... It's a part of me. Then this morning I got to take Kaitlin to The Well! I was so excited to be back there; I miss it so much! The familiarity of the people and the building and everything was so comforting for some reason, even if it wasn't the service that I normally attend. After church we headed back to Rohnert Park, but picked up Jenna and Liz on the way. They mostly slept while I drove. When we got back to the school, Chloe welcomed me back with an energetic hello. She and I went to an Intervarsity small group meeting tonight, and that is where they posed the question "what is love?"

This really got me thinking about what I think love is or what it means to love someone. They followed that question with, "what things do you love?" "is love conditional" and "is love eternal". When you really stop and think about it, it's kind of funny that we talk about how much we love this kind of cake or we love that brand of shoes. Do we use the word love in that same sense when talking about people? I would sure hope that my family doesn't love me in the same way they love a type of dessert.

So I asked myself what I thought love is... I think love is a feeling we get when we don't have the words to describe how much we really care for someone or something. I also think that love has a broader definition than what can really be defined in one sentence. I also think that love can overcome all things and is, by certain people, conditional. I think I've learned that last one recently the hard way. But I also know, that I am loved by a God whose love is unconditional and eternal. He loves me no matter what I have done or where I am in life. It seriously just amazes me, looking back on everything now, that the God of the universe can love someone like me... A person with so many regrets and someone who has made countless mistakes. It's nice to know that when the whole world is keeping score on how many times I fall or fail at something, I have a God who will welcome me back time and time again and continually hold me in His arms. I feel so incredibly loved.

Now I challenge you as you go about your day to think through these same questions... Really ask yourself: "What is love?" "Is love conditional" "Is it eternal?"

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies. -Psalm 36:5

The Girl Who Loves Jesus (:

I FINALLY finished my philosphy paper, or the first draft at least. But I am so happy have that out of the way! My only class this morning was psych, so after that I went to lunch with Chloe and Kaitlin then I had a one on one meeting with my University 102 teacher. After that I went home and took Krista to Walgreens... We got lost on the way back, but it was actually really funny. I reached for my gps and she thought I was taking out my Bible, which really made me laugh! It kind of got me thinking too... My friends' from SSU see me as having a really strong faith and that is kind of how I am defined, "the girl who loves Jesus". This is so different from how I was seen before, but it's not different in a way that bothers me. I was thinking about it today and I decided that I would much rather be seen as someone who loves Jesus and is defined by that as opposed to being labeled in a negative way. And I guess the fact that they all see me like that just means that I have been open about my faith and not ashamed to share it with them. It's definitely not a bad thing because I do love Jesus (:
Anyways, back to the rest of my day... I came home and worked on my paper for over 3 hours straight! I finally got it all finished and I was beyond excited. I rewarded myself by watching 90210 and Greek online before finishing up some more homework. Then I talked to Daryl on Skype for a long time about everything that's been going on... Man I miss him! It was nice being able to talk to him about everything just like I used to when we both lived in Clovis. It's weird how much things have changed since then. Maybe it's not so much that things have changed, but that I've changed. I don't really know, it's just a weird transition time for me I guess, but I'm not letting myself get discouraged. I'm proud of who I am and who I am becoming, and I know that God has a plan for my life. (:

Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. -Romans 12:12

Nothing that I Love More than Writing Papers!

Today I knocked out a whole 4 page argument paper for my psych class and I am now up to page 8 of my 12-15 page analytical paper for philosophy. I think my brain is on essay overload right now. I locked myself in my room today after lunch and forced myself to work on my psych until I just couldn't do it anymore. To get my mind off of it for a little bit, I decided I could clean my shower. So I got out all my cleaning supplies and started scrubbing the tub, but when the tub didn't drain too well I decided it was time for some Draino. So i removed the little metal cover thing that goes over the drain and there was a nice little present waiting for me underneath there... a huge hairball covered in nasty shower goo! This was most definitely not my hair either! I have a little plastic cover that I put over the drain to catch all my hair... Plus the hair in the drain was red an blonde. So I got out my yellow gloves and started to remove the nasty mess of hair that was wrapped around my drain. It was seriously the most disgusting thing I've ever done; it was a thousand times worse than any of the diapers I've had to change while babysitting. The hair was mixed in with dirt and other things nasty things. After I cleaned it out the best I could, I poured Draino in there hoping it would work it's magic. But my drain was SO clogged that not even the Draino could get through! After about an hour, I came back to find that it had finally gone down, but my shower still doesn't drain all that quickly. That right there is one of the few things I miss about being home... If my shower didn't drain at home I would A. get my dad to help me deal with it and B. know that it is my hair that is clogging up the drain and not someone else's! Ew! So my day consisted of writing papers and cleaning out disgusting showers... I'm scarred for life thanks to the contents of my drain.

"Into marvelous light I'm running, out of darkness, out of shame. By the cross You are the truth, You are the life, You are the way"
I love that this song says out of darkness and out of shame... I feel like that's the direction my life is heading in right now. It's amazing where your life goes when you let God consume your heart and trust in His plan (:

A Weekend With the Girls

So this weekend I spent the majority of my time with Chloe, Liz, and Jenna. Saturday, Chloe and I went to doggy day which is where this organization brought in different trained dogs for us to play with. It was really fun and it made me miss my Hercules! After that we went to Charlie Brown's and got smoothies then headed over to Liz and Jenna's to hang out. We practiced our hoedown throwdown until it was time for Chloe and I to go to church. After service, we went by In n Out then went back to the school to pick up Jenna and Liz. Then we all headed over to the movie theater to see Fame! It was so good! We all loved it, and can I just say that I am officially in love with Asher Book... his song "Try" is so cute! Plus the dancing in the movie was amazing! After the movie we went to Applebees so Liz could get the dessert she had been craving then we went back to Liz and Jenna's room to hang out. We spent the rest of the night doing the hoedown throwdown for their suitemates, Liz's friends from home, and her boyfriend over Skype. It was pretty hilarious to say the least. Today I woke up and went to church again, this time to help in the 5th and 6th grade class. When I got home, Chloe, Liz, and I went to the caf for brunch (interesting food... omlettes and frozen yogurt served in the same meal) then headed out to Santa Rosa to go to the mall. I am happy to say that I held back from buying all the cute things I saw in Forever 21, even though I found a gorgeous dress for $17... I decided I didn't need it that bad and I would save my money for Urbana. When we were done shopping we went back to our rooms and Chloe and I worked on some homework. Somewhere along the way we got extremely tired so we decided to take half hour naps before going to pick up Kaitlin. We were so excited to see her! It just wasn't the same without her. So now the trio is reunited and we're busy planning adventures for the next week. This weekend was a good way to get my mind off of all the stress... But now it's back to school and getting work done, until next weekend that is (:

He answered: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself." -Luke 10:27 ... I had heard this verse before, but they talked about it at church on Saturday and I just think it's a good way to keep things in perspective. The number one thing in your life is to love God with all that you have and second is to love your neighbor as yourself... What a world it would be if everyone kept that in mind.